Futurama · Season 1
It's no use. I want to cry, but I'm just too macho.
I'll make you cry, buddy. You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything!
Wha'd'you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet.
Good point... but here's a disturbing reminder: anyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead.
These things happen.
Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one, 'cause your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Ha ha ha!
Phew, that's a load off my mind.
Now that you mention it, I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills.
Yes, gills. Then, uh, you don't need lungs anymore, is right?
Can't imagine why I would.
Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week.
I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste.
Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if I was wearing a lime green tank top.
Bender, it has come to my attention that this company has been paying you to do nothing but loaf around on the couch.
You call that a couch? I demand a pillow!
This is Your Majesty's harem. You may choose any of these maidens to be your royal consort.
Puh, puh, puh... How about that one?
Oh, I didn't realize Your Majesty was into that sort of thing.
On second thought, I'll take that one.
Hey, whatever you say. I'm not here to pass judgement.
Good news, everyone!
Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that.
You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol.
Here it comes.
A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the Forbidden Zone.
Thank you and goodnight.
Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the Forbidden Zone?
Why, of course! It's just a name! Like the Death Zone or the Zone of No Return. All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror!
[After testing the Smell-o-Scope] Just don't make me smell Uranus! [Laughs]
I don't get it.
I'm sorry, Fry, but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all.
So what's it called now?
Urrectum. Here, let me locate it for you.
Eat my shorts!
Okay! [Eats the doll's shorts.] Mmm, shorts.
Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave the world the light bulb, the steam boat and the cotton gin.
Those things are all from the 19th century.
Yeah, well, they probably just copied us.
And what will you be presenting this evening, professor?
Let's just say it'll put you young whippersnappers in your place.
I just hope it's not that lame death clock you presented last year.
Uh... last year, you say?
That's right.
Oh, my. Did it put you young whippersnappers in your place?
Hardly. We all laughed so hard our teeth fell out. Come along, Cinnamon.
[Wernstrom leaves with his fish]
Oh, dear. I'll have to invent something new in the next ten minutes. Perhaps some sort of death clock.
I daresay that Fry has discovered the smelliest object in the known universe!
Ooh, name it after me!
[The Planet Express crew has watched an online movie about the solution to the garbage problem in New York.]
Wow, you got that off the Internet? In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography.
Actually, that's still true.
[In the movie.]
Now that the garbage ball is in space, Doctor, perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions?
With gusto. [The two scientists begin disrobing.]
[Fry, Leela, and Bender are on the big garbage ball. Leela places the bomb in the ground.]
Get ready to run. We got 25 minutes.
[Leela presses the button on the bomb. The timer beeps and the number changes]
Uh, 15 minutes. [The timer beeps again.] 5 minutes. [The timer beeps again.] "6h" minutes?
[Bender picks up the bomb and turns it upside down]:
There's your problem: the professor put the counter on upside down!
That idiot! It wasn't set for 25 minutes; it was set for 52 seconds!
[screams] AHHHH! We're gonna die!...Right?
Right.
[Fry screams again]
[After escaping Robot Hell]
Don't worry, guys. I'll never be too good or too evil again. From now on, I'll just be me.
Uh... Do you think you could be a little less evil than that?
I don't know... Do you think you could survive a seven-hundred foot fall?
[Chuckles] Good ol' Bender.
Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there?
[Nervous] No! Don't come in!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Futurama pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
