Welcome to my humble chamber, or as I call it, "the Lovenasium". Sham-pag-in?
I didn't realise you were such a coin-a-sewer.
Well, I have studied abroad...or two!
S1Love's Labors Lost in Space
Captain's journal. Star date; 3000.3.
Who are you talking to, sir?
You! Aren't you getting this? We have detected a vessel attempting to break the security cordon around Vergon 6. I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight, followed by a light dinner... ravioli, ham, sundae bar.
It's a sunny little doomed planet, inhabited by a number of frisky little doomed animals.
Animals?
That's right. Animals in desperate need of rescue. You see, Vergon 6 was once filled with a super-dense substance known as dark matter, each pound of which weighs over ten thousand pounds.
Wait! What about the animals?
Well, dark matter is extremely valuable as starship fuel. That's why it was all mined out, leaving the planet completely hollow.
Yes, but what about the animals?
The wha?
The animals.
I didn't say anything about animals. Now it seems that the planet will collapse within three days. Incidentally, this will kill all the animals.
Have the boy lay out my formal shorts.
The boy, Sir?
You. You lay out my formal shorts.
S1Fear of a Bot Planet
R1Robot #1
Administer the test.
R2Robot #2
Which of the following would you most prefer? A: a puppy, B: a pretty flower from your sweetie, or C: a large properly formatted data file?
R1Robot #1
Choose!
[Fry and Leela confer for a bit.]
Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way?
R2Robot #2
No, it is the bad kind of puppy.
Then we'll go with that data file!
R2Robot #2
Correct!
R1Robot #1
The flower would also have been acceptable.
Man, we look stupid. We should've gotten store-bought costumes.
Yeah, but there wasn't a Woolworth's in this quadrant.
Well I'm not doing it! It's a robot holiday.
Really? Which one?
Only Robanukkah, the holiest two weeks on the robot calendar.
Oh, come on, Bender. Last month it was "Robamadan" and before that "Robanza".
Man, that one was a blast!
It wasn't just "a blast". It was a sacred tribute to my ancestral prototypes which happened to take the form of a drinking contest.
I don't get this. Is Blernsball exactly the same as baseball?
Baseball? God forbid.
Face it, Fry, baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up.
Boring? Baseball wasn't bori— [He cuts himself off.] ... So, they finally jazzed it up!
RMRobot Mayor
Welcome to a very special human hunt! We have with us today a guest whose irrational hatred for humans makes me look like a human sympathizer!
[The robots in the crowd laugh]
RMRobot Mayor
A newly-arrived refugee from Earth, let's hear it for... Bender!
It's him! He's OK!
Death to humans!
[The robots in the crowd cheer]
Aww... It's good to hear his voice.
We're rescuing ya.
I don't want to be rescued.
Say what?
I love this planet! I've got wealth, fame, and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring.
[Noting score on a sheet of paper.] Alright! Miller's on pace to hit 70 blerns!
He's good alright, but he's no Clem Johnson! And Johnson played back in the days before steroid injections were mandatory!
Clem Johnson! That sack of skin wouldn't have lasted one pitch in the old robot league! Now, Wireless Joe Jackson - there was a blern-hittin' machine!
Exactly! He was a machine designed to hit blerns. I mean, come on! Wireless Joe was nothing but a programmable bat on wheels.
Oh, and I suppose Pitch-o-Mat 5000 was "just a modified howitzer"!
Yep.
S1A Fishful of Dollars
[banging the wall on two robots playing cards] Hey, give it a rest; you two!
[Fry is playing a compact disc recording of Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back;" Leela turns it off.]
You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.
I could if you hadn't turned on the light and shut off the stereo.
VOVoice on TV
Do you remember when chocolate-chip cookies came fresh out of the oven? Petridge Farm remembers
Oh, those were the days...
VOVoice on TV
Do you remember when women weren't allowed to vote and certain folk weren't allowed on golf courses? Petridge Farm remembers.
[to Bender, in his green overstuffed sweater] Hey, Bender; sounds like you could use a little of that oil.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Futurama pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.