TV show quotes
Wait! Listen. I'm usually the first guy to toot my own lower horn--
I'll say! WOOOOO!
But in this case I-I just don't think it'll do any good.
That's what she said! WOOOOO!
Let's face it, you two have deep relationship problems that can't be solved by an aphrodisiac.
However huge it might be.
Mmm, this jerked chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked.
[from offscreen] It's used to it! WOOOOO!
So let me get this straight... if I buy eight Caramello bars, you all get to go to some camp.
Yep. That's exactly the lie we used to get past your guards.
[steps forward] Oh great space king, I humbly beg you to return my human horn.
Uh, human horn? How ridiculous! Why would a virile male like Lrrr need human horn? I don't even know what it's for. What is it, something you put in salad dressing?
Like you've ever seen a salad.
My weight is APPROPRIATE and ATTRACTIVE!
Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out!
[from offscreen] Just like at the movie theater! WOOOOO!
[Ranger Park aims his gun at Bigfoot]
You're going to kill this innocent giganto?!
Of course not! I'm just gonna tranquilize him so I can chop off his feet as proof he exists, then dump him back in the wild. He'll do fine!
If I poach this beast's lower horn, am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust? Yes. But not by enough.
This human's lower horn is one of God's creatures, a living thing, and all living things, large and small--
[from offscreen] In this case, small! WOOOOO!
[Lrrr and Ndnd, having reconciled, start heavily making out, much to Fry, Leela and Bender's disgust]
Uh, you'll wanna retreat to a safe 500-metre radius!
[as they flee] Well, Fry, it looks like you get to hold onto your lower horn.
As usual! WOOOOO! RUN AWAAAAY!
[In the end credits]
You're on a scenic route through a state recreation known as the human mind. You ask a passer-by for directions, only to find he has no face or something. Suddenly, up ahead, a door in the road. You swerve, narrowly avoiding The Scary Door.
[In a lab, a mad scientist pours stuff from one bottle to another.]
I have combined the DNA of the world's most evil animals to make the most evil creature of them all.
[He pours the liquid into a machine and it crackles and a door in it opens. A human male emerges from the smoke.]
It turns out it's Man.
[Dramatic incidental music.]
Hey, guys. You missed a great delivery to Space Earth. Where you been all afternoon?
At, uh, uh, a concert.
Ooh, was it jazz noodling? My ex-boyfriend Sean played the sax. I used to listen for hours while he sat naked on my couch and improvised.
So musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh?
Yeah, it's weird; Sean was uneducated, unambitious. He was pasty and hunched--
[quietly] Pretty boy...
But when he played I could sense this incredible, beautiful creative soul. Then one day I found someone else's couch fibers on his butt.
That could be my beautiful soul sitting naked on her couch. If I could just learn to play this stupid thing.
Oh, but you can. But you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by "devil", I mean Robot Devil. And by "metaphorically", I mean get your coat.
Oh, Fry. All this time you've had this incredible gift and I never knew. I've been a fool. A fully-justified, prudent fool. [holds his new hands, then quickly draws them back] They're so cold...
[shouting from street below them] And yet hell is so hot! [laughs briefly] Can I have my hands back now?
No!
[sulkily] You're not nice!
Ah, how delightfully ironic.
It's not ironic, it's just mean! Take this! [Honks his air horn, only for it to become depleted]
Ooh! Out of aerosol. Also ironic.
Oh, yeah?! Well, bite my shiny metal-- [remembers that he gave up his crotch plate] OH, NOOOOOOOOO!
[The Hypnotoad is shown on screen.]
[Voice over.] On the count of three, you will awaken feeling refreshed, as if Futurama had never been cancelled by idiots and then brought back by bigger idiots. One... two... [Snaps fingers.]
Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy!
Okay.
That's all. [slicks his hair back] Oh, also, I'm covered with severe burns.
So? What of it?
Well, why is... those things?
You mean you don't remember?
Nope, nothing. It's like when I passed out in college, except no one drew magic marker pingases on my forehead.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Futurama pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
