[a letter comes in on the mail tube] Great gorilla of Manilla! A letter from the Central Bureaucracy. "Attention, Hermes Conrad. You are about to receive a letter from the Central Bureaucracy." [Another letter comes in] Oh, my God! It's from the Central Bureaucracy!
S2How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back
[Hermes is threatening to jump off the Planet Express building.]
No! Don't jump!
Do a flip!
Don't, Hermes! You have so much to live for!
I get it: reverse psychology.
Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know!
N1Number 1.0
Don't quote regulation to me! I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation is in. We kept it gray.
N1Number 1.0
Guards! Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away!
Naturally I have to assign someone to fill in for Hermes while he's gone. I assign me. I accept. Welcome aboard.
Why is there yogurt in this cap?
Uh, I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all.
I'm having a poker game tonight with some of my old cryogenics lab coworkers. Would any of you like to join?
I don't know. I only gamble with chumps.
I'll play.
I'm in!
Morgan made me walk the Professor. There we were in the park when suddenly some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the Professor at her but she kept coming, so I had to hit her with this purse I found. The point is, it's Morgan's fault; that pencil-pushing scazwag! Why, if she were here, I'd...uh-oh. Is she behind me?
No. I'm in front of you. [Bender shrieks]
Sweet something of... someplace.
Dammit, Hermes, just jump already! Stop hogging that healthy liver.
You can't just waltz into the Central Bureaucracy. It's a tangled web of red tape and regulations. I've never been, but a friend of mine went completely mad trying to find the washroom there.
Then we'll need a guide, someone who's been there before.
Oh, I've been there. Lots of times. [laughs maniacally]
[Spoken] Requisition me a beat!
[Number 1.0 plays some music]
[Singing]
When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town,
With a foot and a half of water,
Everyone was alright but I cried all night,
It blew my alphabet blocks out of order,
And they said, "This boy's born to be a bureaucrat,
Born to be all obsessive and snotty,"
I made my friends and relations file long applications,
To get into my 10th birthday party.
But something changed when my man turned pro.
I was sortin' but I wasn't smilin'.
He forgot that it's not about badges and ranks.
It's supposed to be about the filing! People!
We didn't choose to be bureaucrats,
No, that's what almighty Jah made us,
We treat people like swine,
And make 'em stand in line,
Even if nobody paid us!
They say the world looks down on the bureaucrats,
They say we're anal, compulsive and weird,
But when push comes to shove,
You gotta do what you love,
Even if it's not a good idea.
Zoidberg!
They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon.
They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter.
They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye. [A tube hits her in the eye.]
I am Bender. Please insert girder.
Everybody sing Jamaica! [He limbos under the flying tubes]
AAll
Jamaica!
Just the bureaucrats, Jamaica!
BBureaucrats
Jamaica!
The grade 19's!
Jamaica.
[Hermes starts a conga line with the bureaucrats]
Sing me home!
When push comes to shove,
You gotta do what you love,
Even if it's not a good idea!
[He picks up a red tube, takes Bender's disk out of it and throws it into Bender's head. Bender's personality resurfaces]
I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!
[last lines]
Now it's time for my song! [singing]
When I was two, there was a tidal wave in...
[cuts off by end credits]
Oh.
S2The Deep South
Hey, Fry, check out my laser-guided fishing rod.
Quiet, Bender. You're scaring away the fish!
Fine, I'll head over to the other side.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Futurama pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.