Full House quotes

Young Jesse

Hey! One at a time!

There's the kid who was picking on me!

That's it, I'm calling your parents!

Young Joey

But...

Young Danny

Wait, Miss Borland. That boy's lying, Joseph has been a perfect angel.

Tanner's the liar!

That's not possible! Daniel Tanner's never been in trouble a day in his life. Let's you and I visit the principal, Sheldon.

Sheldon?

(Looking at Young Joey & Young Danny)

Young Joey

Thanks man, you saved my life!

Young Danny

You saved me first.

Rebecca

Dustin? You would name our child Dustin?

Jesse

Yeah, you got a better name?

Rebecca

I sure do... Emily.

Jesse

No son of ours is gonna be named Emily.

Rebecca

Our daughter's name is Emily. Our son's name is Prescott.

Jesse

Prescott? Might as well name him Emily. Our son is gonna be called Dustin.

Rebecca

Prescott.

Jesse

Dustin!

Rebecca

Prescott!

Jesse

Dust... When did we have a kid?

Rebecca

Well, we better get going. You don't wanna miss your plane.

You're right, it might accidentally take off on time. Come on, Howie, wake up. It's time to go.

Howie, no go.

Danny

Howie, yes go. Howie go back home.

Me go.

Danny

[imitates an Indian] No, little Kemo Sabe. No can go to Nebraska. Take many moons.

Hasta luego.

Danny

Ah... El Pollo Loco!

DJ

Dad, you got to do something; listen to my report card. It's so unfair! A-A-A-A-A-A...

Joey

How dare they! This is an outrage!

DJ

Listen to my Spanish grade-D

Danny

A D in Spanish?

Joey

Que pasa?

DJ

Huh?

DJ

You have the brain of a paramecium.

Stephanie

If I have the brain of a paramecium, then you have the brain of just one mecium.

DJ

(to Jesse) There really is no way to beat her, is there?

Rebecca

Jesse, you'll never catch that boat!

Jesse

I don't wanna catch the boat. I wanna catch Danny!

Joey

[upon seeing Jesse move like Elvis Presley] Jesse, Elvis never made one golf movie.

Danny

Joey, let's go! We're gonna be late!

Joey

Danny, what is the big rush?

Danny

Joey, you know I always leave the house at exactly 7:48. Now, thanks to you, I'm already two minutes late.

Joey

What are you talking about? We are right on time.

Danny

Joey. That's a barometer.

Joey

Well, in that case, we'd better get moving. There's a hurricane brewing.

Jesse

Who let you outta your crib?

I let me out.

Jesse

You mean you climbed over the bars and jumped down all by yourself?

You got it, dude.

Jesse

Jail break!

Jesse

Joseph, you've been in toon-town for 2 days. Now, start acting like a human being.

Joey

Listen to this, Michelle. "Psychic struck by lightning". If he was any good, he'd have seen that coming.

Rebecca

[whilst Jesse, Danny and Joey race] For those of you at home who think you're watching a slow-motion replay, do not be fooled. They are actually moving at this speed.

(in an old video from '83, when Jesse does the dare of his life) The doctor is about to operate!

Jesse

Aren't you a little overdramatic there?

Not if you die.

Jesse

Hey, look, I was dared, so I'm gonna do it.

Not without a kiss for luck first.

Jesse

Have mercy.

[so annoyed by their good-luck kiss, covers the camera lens with his right hand] Aw, don't waste tape on this. This is disgusting!

Danny

Joey, what is an elephant doing in my living room?

Surprise, Cleano!

The surprise is on JoJo. She got my underwear!