Joey Gladstone quotes from Full House

Well, you can't miss the big party down at the station.

Joey

Why? Is... uh, Danny gonna be "Baby New Year" again?

Not after that wicked diaper rash I got last year.

S4 Happy New Year

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[to Joey] You took him skydiving?! Well, where is he? What if something happened to him?!

Joey

Don't worry. He said if anything happens, I should marry you myself.

Mom! [cries in her mother's arms]

S4 The Wedding (1)

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[in an airplane, we see Jesse and Joey...]

Joey

Jess, you're totally out of your mind.

I know. I said I'd never get in a plane with you.

Joey

No, I'm talking about skydiving. It's crazy.

People say it's the ultimate rush. I took all the lessons, but I never jumped because it was too windy. Joseph, I gotta have this one last adventure before I get married.

Joey

Do you have to do this on your wedding day?

This is the last hour of my life as a single guy. Pretty soon, I'm gonna be married, I'm gonna have a family with all the responsibilities. I mean, what am I gonna do then? Jump out of a station wagon?

Joey

Well, you could. Your chute might not open in time.

Joey, look. I have to do this one last crazy thing before I give it all up for the woman that I love.

Joey

Isn't flying with me crazy enough?

No.

Joey

How about when I do this?

[Joey makes a looping while Jesse screams]

Don't do that! [he hits Joey in the head] I got this all planned out. I stashed my Harley, I got my tux on. I do the jump, hop on my Harley, cruise to the chapel, and have just enough time to re-mousse my hair and say "I do."

Joey

Great plan. Can I make one little suggestion?

What?

Joey

Snap out of it!

Joey, this is just something I have to do for myself, alright?

Joey

Alright. Have a safe trip. Good luck, buddy.

Thanks, pal.

[Jesse goes to the open plane door and puts on his helmet]

Oh, and Joseph? If anything goes wrong... I want you to marry Becky.

[he looks out of the door, into the depth]

Whoa!

[he takes a deep breath and jumps]

Have mercy!

Joey

Oh my god! He jumped without his... mousse!

Did I forget my mousse?

S4 The Wedding (1)

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The Making of a Wedding, the saga continues. The groom is now 25 minutes late, and here's the man who let him jump out of a plane on his wedding day, Joey Gladstone. Joey, how do you feel right now?

Joey

Sad, hurt, angry, bitter, scared, used, and I'm pretty hungry. I forgot to eat breakfast.

Poor Joey, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. And here's Becky with her loving family. Any words for Uncle Jesse?

Darling, I just hope you're alright. But if you are alright, I'll kill you.

S4 The Wedding (2)

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[to Michelle] All right! We're spending the night! Did you hear that, buddy?

We could have a pajama party.

Joey

Great. Should I wear my Ninjas or my California Raisins?

S4 Fuller House

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Uncle Jesse locked me out.

Joey

Now, why would Uncle Jesse do something like that?

I don't know. I'm a fun girl.

Joey

Well, I'm just guessing, Michelle, but I think Uncle Jesse and Aunt Becky just want some privacy.

What is privacy?

Joey

Well, privacy means that they just wanna spend some time together. Just the two of them.

What are they doing in there?

Joey

Well, they're um... They're doing their taxes.

Are they gonna do their taxes every night?

Joey

For the first couple of months.

S4 Stephanie Plays the Field

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[As Danny and Kirsten get ready to go out on their date]

Joey

[imitates Walter Brennan] Ah, well, you kids run along now, and, by gosh, have fun. And, by golly, don't stay out too late.

KKirsten

Hey! Great Ronald Reagan.

That's Walter Brennan.

S4 The Graduates

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Come on, Danny, the kid's got a dream. Let her go for it. Heck, if I was that focused on my music in the 70's, who knows what would have happened.

Joey

Yeah. Maybe that would have been you dancing in the "Macho Man" commercials with that headdress.

S5 Gotta Dance

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Michelle, why would somebody call you a baby?

Cause I still need training wheels.

Oh honey, that's alright. Kids take off their training wheels at all different ages. I was even a little older than you.

Joey

Danny, you still had training wheels when you had your paper route.

S5 Easy Rider

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Joey

Ginger, get back here!

Joey, get back here! [sees the table filled with food] Girls, what are you doing?

Trying to keep the curse from falling on this house.

Well, keep trying. It's not working.

S5 Too Much Monkey Business

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Joey

Grab your Brillo and your broom.

EEveryone

Grab your Brillo and your broom.

Joey

Danny is a Looney Toon.

EEveryone

Danny is a Looney Toon.

S5 Trouble with Danny

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[DJ and Steve are preoccupied with kissing in the cab of the cement truck which causes her foot to accidentally hit a lever that makes the chute turn into the kitchen window and cement to pour onto the floor. And Joey is preoccupied listening to his meditation tape and repeating what it says]

Joey

"I am at peace. I am soaring."

[Danny and Jesse come down the back stairway]

Man. What a mess up there, Jess. Is there anything worse than ground leaves in a carpet?

[sees the wet cement pouring into the kitchen while Joey is still meditating] Yep.

[sees it as well] My kitchen! Joey, do something! [but he can't hear him] [to Jesse] I'll try to keep it from spreading, you catch it off the chute!

[Jesse tries to catch the cement in his hands and uses a mug, which are both useless, then he tries to do it with his shirt]

Not your shirt! Get a bowl! A bowl!

A bowl. Right. Right.

[tries to sweep the cement on the floor] Oh, no!

[grabs the fruit bowl from the table and dumps the fake fruit down the stairs] Here. I got a bowl. I got a bowl.

No, no, no, not that bowl! That's my fine china!

[Jesse tosses it to Danny; runs to the fridge, grabs the big punch bowl from on top, and runs back to start filling it]

No! No! Not that one! Not that bowl! My mother gave me that! [Jesse tries to use his hand to wipe the cement out of the bowl and throws it to Danny] Oh, Jesse!

[pulls out a drawer from the cabinet next to what used to be the window] How 'bout this drawer? Do you have any emotional attachment to the drawer?

No. I mean, I like it, but...

[Jesse empties the drawer and catches the cascading cement in it]

I'm going down!

[as the weight of the cement brings him to his knees]

You know, uh...this, uh, this broom is not working.

[sees the broom is broken]

Turn off the truck!

Turn off the truck? Why didn't I think of that? You know, it's weird when your adrenaline's running like this you forget the most obvious thing that you could be doing.

The truck, Dan.

"The truck." I'll turn off the truck. That's what I'll do. [struggles to open the back door and eventually gets out] Uh! Oh!

Joey!

Joey

"Sniff the minty woodlands." [as Jesse reaches for him] "There. Now, aren't we calm and placid?"

S7 E2 The Apartment

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[Jesse and Michelle enter the house]

Hey, everybody. Uncle Jesse got my bike back.

It's no big deal. All I did was outwit a 9-year-old. It's not like he was jeopardy material or anything. What the heck is that?

Michelle's bike. What the heck is that?

Joey

Hey, guys. Guess who found Michelle's... bike?

Seems to be the question of the day.

Wow, I've got three bikes!

No, honey, not all of them are yours. One of them is, but which one?

I like this one. It looks brand-new.

Sweetheart, I didn't ask which one you liked the best. I asked you which one is yours?

Let's see. Mine has a Kermit sticker on the basket.

Well, would you settle for a Care Bear on the chainguard?

None of these bikes are mine. Mine's still stolen.

So are all these.

Joey

And we're the stealers.

You're all going to the slammer.

S7 E11 The Bicycle Thief

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[we find the family still together in the living room...]

Daddy, if you have a stomachache, could you stay home from the slammer?

Sweetheart, we are not going to the slammer. We're just gonna return these bikes to their rightful owners.

So everybody gets their bike back except me? That's fair.

How am I supposed to return this? I stole it off a kid named Davey. All I know about him is I should've stolen his trumpet too.

I found mine leaning against the library. This horrible thing. A little girl goes in, checks out Curious George, comes out, her bike's gone. Could turn a kid off to reading forever.

Joey

I grabbed mine off the back of a pickup. Oh, great. There's a card in it. "Happy Birthday, Lisa. Love, Mom and Dad."

S7 E11 The Bicycle Thief

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[The Tanner family is seated at the table, heartbroken that Papouli has passed away]

It's like a...a bad dream or something.

I know. [hugs Jesse] I know. [sniffles] But you know, at least Papouli died peacefully in his sleep, you know?

We know how much he meant to you, Jess. He meant a lot to us too.

D.J.

We're all gonna miss him. [Rebecca comforts D.J.]

[sighs] It's just... [stands up] so helpless, it's like...if I could have been there, I would have done something, you know I could've helped him...I could

[interrupts] Jess, honey...honey, honey...[hugs Jesse] there was nothing that you could do. There was nothing any of us could do.

[sighs] You're right. [walks back to the table] He was just such a beautiful man. Just so full of love and life. Now he's gone.

Uncle Jesse, you okay?

[wipes his tears] Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. [stands up] You know, I, I don't have time for this. I got so many things to do, make the arrangements...

D.J.

Well, if you want help...

Joey

Yeah Jess, we, we can take care of all that.

You know what, it's my responsibility. Just...I'm sorry guys, I'll...I'll...I'll take it from here. [goes upstairs]

D.J.

Why won't Uncle Jesse let us help him?

Aw honey, it's just his way of dealing with the pain, you know? By keeping busy. [Michelle enters the house]

Hi everybody!

Hi Michelle. [kisses Michelle]

Hi Daddy.

How was your honeybee meeting?

It was great! [shows her school project] I made this for Papouli. Where is he? [Stephanie tearfully looks at Joey, and Joey looks somber as the Tanner family must deliver Michelle the sad news]

Michelle, Papouli's not here. [Michelle looks at Joey, Stephanie, D.J. and Rebecca who are visibly emotional]

[comforting D.J., who is crying] It's okay.

Something's wrong. [Danny sadly nods]

Um, sweetheart, this is um, this is not easy to say to you. Um, this morning, after you went to school, we uh, went to wake up Papouli. Michelle, he died in his sleep last night.

What?

He was, he was just, he was very old, and his heart gave out.