Joey Gladstone quotes from Full House

Young Jesse

Hey! One at a time!

There's the kid who was picking on me!

That's it, I'm calling your parents!

Young Joey

But...

Young Danny

Wait, Miss Borland. That boy's lying, Joseph has been a perfect angel.

Tanner's the liar!

That's not possible! Daniel Tanner's never been in trouble a day in his life. Let's you and I visit the principal, Sheldon.

Sheldon?

(Looking at Young Joey & Young Danny)

Young Joey

Thanks man, you saved my life!

Young Danny

You saved me first.

DJ

Dad, you got to do something; listen to my report card. It's so unfair! A-A-A-A-A-A...

Joey

How dare they! This is an outrage!

DJ

Listen to my Spanish grade-D

Danny

A D in Spanish?

Joey

Que pasa?

DJ

Huh?

Danny

Joey, let's go! We're gonna be late!

Joey

Danny, what is the big rush?

Danny

Joey, you know I always leave the house at exactly 7:48. Now, thanks to you, I'm already two minutes late.

Joey

What are you talking about? We are right on time.

Danny

Joey. That's a barometer.

Joey

Well, in that case, we'd better get moving. There's a hurricane brewing.

Danny

I got a great cake.

Joey

Did ya get the triple chocolate with pink frosting in the shape of a clown's face with a big cherry-red nose? Did ya, did ya, DID YA?

Danny

Yes, Joey. Look at this. [shows Joey the cake]

Joey

Yes!

Joey

[Right after kissing Stacy] Ay chihuahua!

Jesse

Ay chihuahua?

Joey

I could've said, "Have mercy!" but it felt more like an, "Ay chihuahua!"

(Walks in) Hola, Tanneritos!

Jesse

Kimmy Gibbler! Oh, my God!

Eat your hearts out, boys. (Smirks) Too bad you weren't nicer to me when I was a kid.

Danny

And we all lived miserably ever after.

Jesse

That was so depressing.

Joey

Yeah. Can you imagine the girls still living here?

Jesse

No, not that - my hair.

You're in big trouble, mister!

Danny

Joey, are you okay? You had us worried sick!

Joey

Danny, I'm fine.

Danny

In that case, you're in big trouble, mister!

Joey

Are you upset because I took the last ice cube and didn't refill the tray?

Danny

Something like that.

Joey

MY CAR! Rosie! This is my punishment for not filling the ice cube tray?!

Danny

Are you saying you didn't know about this?

Joey

If I did, don't you think I would've bought a bigger jar of touch-up paint? Danny, when I left, Stephanie was watching my car. What the heck happened?

Jesse

(enters the kitchen with Stephanie) Well, here's somebody who knows what the heck happened.

Stephanie

I was taking a make-believe drive through the country, and I wanted to play the radio. So I turned the key, and the next thing I knew, I was in the kitchen.

Joey

I should've never left those keys in the ignition.

Stephanie

It's not your fault, Joey. I had no business being in your new car! It was perfect!

Joey

Well, almost. The radio didn't work.

Stephanie

Now he tells me.

My turn to drive the car.

Joey

You know the rules, Michelle. Nobody gets to drive 'til they're 8 years old.

Danny

I can't believe this is happening! She's only 13, and she's such a good kid.

Joey

(walking over from the counter to the table and sitting with Jesse) Danny, this could happen to any kid. There's - there's a lot of pressure on them to try drinking.

Jesse

(to Joey, possibly addressing Danny as well) I know, and not just from other kids. From, you know, sometimes, these celebrities, and rock stars, and people these kids look up to. I mean, they're - they're making drinking look cool. I mean, they're sending the wrong message to kids. (turns to Danny) Well, let me tell you something! DJ is gonna get the right message, okay? She's gotta know that there's no drinking, period. I say we go upstairs and lay down the law!

Danny

Jesse, wait a minute. Just sit down. (he does) I think it's not as simple as just punishing her. I think we have to find out why DJ did it, so we can decide the best way to help her. I just don't want her to be one of those kids who has to learn the hard way.

Danny

I close my eyes for two seconds and it's a Kimmy Gibbler telethon.

Joey

Danny, you've been out for four hours.

Danny

(checks his watch) Four hours. Why didn't anyone wake me? Oh no, I'm ruined, I ruined the telethon, my career is over...

Rebecca

Danny, we're still on the air.

Danny

(to camera) That concludes the dramatic portion of our show.

Joey

[after someone at the party breaks a plate in celebration] Now it's a Greek party! OPA!!!

OPA!!!

Joey

[to Mr. Malatesta about Jesse] This man is not a hamburger, and I am not a side of fries, and you, sir, are a... Chicken McNugget!

Jesse

Joey, are you gonna quit or order a Happy Meal?

Danny

Stephanie?

Joey

Steph, would you just stop and talk to me?

Stephanie

There's nothing to talk about! I don't have a mother, and there's nothing you guys can say to change that! Right?! [cut to the guys, who have no answer] See?

Danny

I'd better go deal with this.