“The Bicycle Thief” quotes from Full House

Hey, everybody. Uncle Jesse got my bike back.

Jesse

It's no big deal. All I did was outwit a 9-year-old. It's not like he was jeopardy material or anything. What the heck is that?

Danny

Michelle's bike. What the heck is that?

Joey

Hey, guys. Guess who found Michelle's... bike?

Danny

Seems to be the question of the day.

Wow, I've got three bikes!

Danny

No, honey, not all of them are yours. One of them is, but which one?

I like this one. It looks brand-new.

Danny

Sweetheart, I didn't ask which one you liked the best. I asked you which one is yours?

Let's see. Mine has a Kermit sticker on the basket.

Jesse

Well, would you settle for a Care Bear on the chainguard?

None of these bikes are mine. Mine's still stolen.

Danny

So are all these.

Joey

And we're the stealers.

You're all going to the slammer.

Daddy, if you have a stomachache, could you stay home from the slammer?

Danny

Sweetheart, we are not going to the slammer. We're just gonna return these bikes to their rightful owners.

So everybody gets their bike back except me? That's fair.

Jesse

How am I supposed to return this? I stole it off a kid named Davey. All I know about him is I should've stolen his trumpet too.

Danny

I found mine leaning against the library. This horrible thing. A little girl goes in, checks out Curious George, comes out, her bike's gone. Could turn a kid off to reading forever.

Joey

I grabbed mine off the back of a pickup. Oh, great. There's a card in it. "Happy Birthday, Lisa. Love, Mom and Dad."

Steve

Hey, Mr. Tanner, look at this. Little Ruth Bell went in to get her first library card. Some goon nabbed her bike. Says here she lost her zest for reading.

Danny

She's zestless?

D.J.

Yeah. [shows a mediocre sketch of Jesse on another flier] And look at this guy who took Davey Schultz's bike. He looks exactly like Uncle...

Danny

Uncle Seymour! Yes. That looks exactly like Uncle Seymour. And if he weren't a priest in Athens, he would be a suspect. Yes, he would.

Steve

[after he and D.J. threw the missing bikes safely out the window] Hey, Mr. Tanner, look. I hope you weren't too attached to that big ceramic planter.