Xander Crews quotes from Frisky Dingo

Excuse me!

Xander

.....What?!

Well, it's been a year now-

Xander

A Year?! It's really been a whole year? What's today?

Thursday.

Xander

Oh my God, it has been a year.

Why couldn't you go to your girlfriend?

Xander

If I wanted to be smothered to death, I'd go back to the Xcalibur and fess up. If I go back to the Xcalibur and fess up, I'll be smothered to death. That's in our Charter.

This is a documentary about Killface.

Xander

Killfa-[Scoffs]-is it called Check Me Out, I Suck? Guk-guk-guk [deapthroating sounds]

Xander

Can you even be gay for a robot? [in robot tone] Beep-beep, I am a gay-bot!

Xtacle

..Y-..you think we're robots?!

Xander

[in robot tone] May I offer you a robot blowjob?

Xtacle

..this-this is just armor! [clanks helmet]

Xander

Power down gay robot; that is an an earthman order!

Xtacle

Okay...

Xander

[Gasp]

Xtacle

Yeah, you see?

Xander

You look.. so... real!

Xtacle

[exhasperated sigh]

Xander

So, what's this whole movie deal about Killface?

Actually, he's running for president.

Xander

He's what?! How?!

Yeah, cause when he activated the Anihalatrix, he cured Global Warming.

Xander

Wait, no, I turned it on!

Well, he says he did.

Xander

Son of a BITCH!

Yeah, so do cabs ever come by here?

Xander

Well, you know what? If he's running for President, then so am I!

Well, it takes, like, tons and tons of money to run for president.

Xander

[Holds up check containing his billions.] Well, is that enough? Ka-kow!

Hey, when did you get the check back?

Xander

Oh, just right after that whole incident with it blowing away.

Xander

Can you even be gay for a robot? [in robot tone] Beep-beep, I am a gay-bot!

Xtacle

..Y-..you think we're robots?!

Xander

[in robot tone] May I offer you a robot blowjob?

Xtacle

..this-this is just armor! [clanks helmet]

Xander

Power down gay robot; that is an an earthman order!

Xtacle

Okay, hang on...

Xander

[Gasp]

Xander

Oh my... god...

Xtacle

That's what I've been saying.

Xander

You look.. so... real!

Xtacle

[exhasperated sigh] Look-

Xander

Can I... touch you?

Xtacle

Kinda prefer you didn't.

Xander

Just be still.

Xtacle

No, hey, come on!

Xander

Feel my touch.

Immigration--why not have a massive pedestrian overpass to Canada?

Xander

Man, I was gonna do a pedestrian overpass to Canada. I was gonna call it the "Spicspan."

Xander

I need somebody who gets me, and also somebody who's a fighter, Stan. Just a tenacious smashin' bastard.

Yep.

Xander

He may be a little older...

Mm-hmmm.

Xander

Maybe a little balder...

Well...

Xander

But he's still the only player in NFL history to get two safeties in a single game.

[pause] I'm sorry?

Xander

Yes, Stan--two-time Pro Bowler Fred Dryer!

You mean, TV's Hunter?

Xander

He was Hunter?!

Xander

You, Grace, do the roar.

Grace

What?

Xander

Roar like the "Team Jaguar" jaguar. [Grace roars quietly] Damn it, you're an apex predator. [Grace roars louder] Yeah! That's how she sounds when I'm bangin' her.

Grace

I know, I just...can't stay mad at him. I'm gonna have his babies. [Holds up vial labelled "Xander Crews"]

Is that...?

Grace

Uh-huh.

Shouldn't that be in a freezer?

Grace

Sometimes I like to hold them.

Grace

If you leave me to burn to death in this plane, we are just finished!

Xander

Well...we'll always have Vegas.

Grace

That wasn't me!

Xander

Well...okay.

Grace

You bastard! God, still can't stay mad at him! [Jumps out after him]

Thank you for saving me.

Xander

Hey, don't get all Sophie's Choice, man. You know, think of all the sympathy cooz I'm gonna get. "Oh, where's your girlfriend," "Oh, she burned to death," "Oh, my god, put your penis in my vagina." I'll be killin' it, man.

Xander

[talking head] So, this is probably on the down-low, [picture of Xander standing over a shot panda] but every year I go on these sorta...well, I guess they're like "grey market safaris."

Is that a panda bear?

Xander

Yep, the most dangerous game.

Man! Man is the most dangerous game.

Xander

Well, tell that to a mommy panda protecting her cubs.

That's disgusting!

Xander

You should see when they skin it. [Xander pulls the microphone down to his mouth] No, seriously. You'd puke your guts out

And so now, Mr. Crews will hunt.

Xander

Well, then, put down the bamboo.

What fucking bamboo?

Xander

You gotta put a big pile of it down, and then the mommy panda comes out and she's all, "gotta find some bamboo for my babies," and you're like [fires shotgun] POW! Peel'er one

Xander

You think they're looking for us?

Both presidential candidates lost in a...duck bog? They must be.

Taqu'il

Man, I can't believe this.

Well, it's not like we can stay out there all night.

Taqu'il

No, I can't believe I've been missing out on this white-knuckle thrill ride. Lookit, Junior's makin' a move!

God love him.

All right, who's ready for another Tom Collins?

See, now he gets me.