Phoebe Buffay quotes from Friends

Hey, Pheebs, check it out. [Shows Phoebe he's wearing a lacy women's thong]

Phoebe

Hmm, nice. Manly, and also kind of a slut.

S7 E22 The One with Chandler's Dad

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Do you realize this is probably the last time we're all gonna be here in the coffee house as six single people ?

Phoebe

Why, what's happening to the coffee house ?!

S7 E23 The One with Monica and Chandler's Wedding, Part 1

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[Best man Ross is walking down the aisle with bridesmaids Phoebe and Rachel.]

This is nice.

Phoebe

What?

I've never walked down the aisle knowing it can't end in divorce!

S7 E24 The One with Monica and Chandler's Wedding, Part 2

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[Rachel and Phoebe are checking out of a hotel.]

Listen -- y'know what, sir? For the last time, I don't care what the computer says. We did not take a bag of Mashuga nuts from the mini-bar and we did not watch Dr. Do-Me-A-Little!

[arriving] Hey!

Phoebe

Oh! Joey, were you in our room last night?

No. [Phoebe gives the bill to Joey. Joey turns to the concierge.] I was told the name of the movie would not appear on the bill!

S8 E2 The One with the Red Sweater

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Phoebe

So, how was the honeymoon?

Oh, so much fun. But the best part is we met this incredible couple on the flight back.

Phoebe

That was the best part? [To Chandler] Good honeymooning, Tiger.

S8 E4 The One with the Videotape

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Okay, in about ten seconds, you're gonna see him kiss me.

And in about five seconds, you're gonna see why.

[on video] Ross, did I ever tell you about the time that I went backpacking through Western Europe?

[The other four are shocked, especially Joey]

Okay, get ready to see some begging.

Phoebe

Oh, you came on to Ross.

What?

Now I'm so happy.

What are you talking about?

You used the Europe story.

That's the magic story you use when you want to have sex!

How do you know about that story?!

How do you know about that story?!

I heard it from my friend Irene, who heard it from some guy.

[raising hand] Some guy!

No, no. She told that his name was Ken Adams.

[again] Ken Adams!

S8 E4 The One with the Videotape

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Monica, we need more candy.

What? There's only been like 4 kids!

Yeah I know, but one of them just said that she loved me so I just gave her everything.

Phoebe

No wonder you're pregnant.

S8 E6 The One with the Halloween Party

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I got TiVo!

GDr. Green

What's TiVo?

Phoebe

It's slang for pregnant.

S8 E8 The One with the Stripper

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Just so you know, I'm not gonna make a turkey this year.

What?

Phoebe doesn't eat turkey.

Phoebe!

Phoebe

Turkeys are beautiful, intelligent animals!

No, they're not! They're ugly and stupid and delicious! Besides, eating them is a tradition. It goes back to the very first Thanksgiving when the Indians sat down with the cowboys!

Oh, right, that's when they had that big rodeo at Plymouth Rock!

It's not just Phoebe. Will's still on a diet, Chandler doesn't eat Thanksgiving food and Rachel's having her aversion to poultry!

She is?

Yeah! Don't you remember? I had to leave the room the other day when you had that roast chicken?

Yeah, but I thought it was just because I put the whole thing on my hand and made it walk across the table!

It just doesn't seem worth it to make an entire turkey for just three people, okay? It's a lot of work!

But you gotta have turkey on Thanksgiving! Thanksgiving with no turkey is like 4th of July with no apple pie! Or Friday with no two pizzas!

All right, fine, if it means that much to you! But there's gonna be a ton left over!

No, there won't! I promise, I will finish that turkey!

Okay, you're telling me that you can eat almost an entire turkey in one sitting?

That's right! 'Cause I'm a Tribbiani, and this is what we do! We may be not great thinkers, or world leaders, we don't read a lot, or run very fast... but damn it, we can eat!

S8 E9 The One with the Rumor

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[Everyone is watching Joey finish off the turkey.]

Well, that's it. I'm done. Whew! [wipes his forehead] There come the meat sweats. [Chandler hands him a towel and he wipes his face.]

Well, Joey, we're all... we're all very proud of you.

Yes, I believe we can expect a call from the President any moment now.

Phoebe

Is there anything we can do for you?

No, just nobody press on my stomach.

You can keep those pants, by the way.

[Joey notices that Monica has a pie.]

Whoa--hey--wh-wh-what do you got there? What is that? Pie?

Yeah. You want some?

Ah, just cut me a little sliver.

[Monica prepares to cut a little sliver.]

A little bigger.

[Monica prepares to cut a bigger piece.]

Little bigger.

[Monica moves the knife again.]

What? Are you afraid you're gonna run out? Cut me a real piece!

S8 E9 The One with the Rumor

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[Ross baby-talks to Rachel's belly.]

Phoebe

How can you let him talk to your crotch like that?

He's talking to the baby.

Phoebe

Oh! Okay! Okay, 'cause when -- when he said "I can't wait to hear your first words," I thought, "There's a trick!"

S8 E10 The One with Monica's Boots

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TSTrudie Styler

Look, I've just pressed a button triggering a silent alarm. Any minute now, the police will be here.

Phoebe

The Police, here? A reunion?

S8 E10 The One with Monica's Boots

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Well it turns out that Ben and Sting's son do not get along.

Phoebe

How come?!

Apparently, Sting's son made fun of the fact that Ben's moms are "lesbinims."

S8 E10 The One with Monica's Boots

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Phoebe

Ross, How did the conversation go ?

Great. I live on the street.

Phoebe

Where ?

S8 E11 The One with Ross's Step Forward

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[Phoebe plays Ms. Pacman, her wedding gift to Monica and Chandler.]

Oh, my, Phoebe, you are on fire!

Phoebe

I know!

One more score to go. You can do it! [touches Phoebe's shoulder]

Phoebe

Don't touch me.

[To Chandler] Don't touch her!

All right. Go left, go left, go right, go right!

Phoebe

I can't, I can't [she loses] No! You son of a bi-!

[Ben comes in with Ross. Epic music swells, drowning out Phoebe's 90-second curse-rant]