Phoebe Buffay quotes from Friends

Ross

Hey, when we were married, you know what I never got? Uh, sex.

Rachel

Uh, yeah, well, no ring, no sex- big surprise.

Phoebe

Get me a musket and we'll talk.

Rachel

Phoebe! You picked Joey AND Ross! You cannot have two backups!

Phoebe

Of course I can. It's just good sense to back up your backup. Look, I've already lost Chandler.

Rachel

What happened at dinner?

Monica

My parents spent the money for our wedding.

Phoebe

My...what did you order?

Phoebe

You know, I think my grandmother would be proud that we're trying to figure out her recipe. I'm sure she's looking up at us and smiling.

Ross

Looking up?

Phoebe

Oh, yeah! She was nice to me, but she's in hell for sure.

Rachel

Hey, look, look. Phoebe's talking to "Cute Coffeehouse Guy."

Ross

You guys call him Cute Coffeehouse Guy? We call him "Hums While He Pees."

Chandler

Yes, and we call Ross "Lingers in the Bathroom."

Phoebe

[walks in] Hey, you guys -- "Hums While He Pees" just asked me out!

Phoebe

You have no idea how amazing she is..

Joey

No idea ? Who do you think brought her here ?

Rachel

Cupid !

Phoebe

Joey, She is so cool, she speaks 4 languages.

Joey

Man, Do you know what guys want ?

Joey

It was awkward. We were both nervous.

Phoebe

Didn't you sleep together ?

Joey

Yeah.. That really calms me down..

Phoebe

There it is. Look at that.. Isn't mother of nature amazing?

Chandler

That's a plane..

Phoebe

Well.. Allright.. 1700 bags of peanuts flying that high.. That's pretty amazing too.

Phoebe Buffay!

Phoebe

Fire Alarm?

We found your firealarm in trash.

Phoebe

It's not mine.

Yes, it is.

Phoebe

How do you know ?

If you dump a firealarm next time, don't use a blanket that says "Property of Phoebe Buffay, Not Monica."

Phoebe

I'm hearing what you're saying, but at our prices everyone needs toner.

Not me.

Phoebe

May I ask why?

You wanna know why. You wanna know why?

Phoebe

I surely do!

Okay, I don't need any toner because I'm going to kill myself.

Phoebe

Um... is... is that because you're out of toner?

Monica

You stick to your job.

Phoebe

What's your Job ?

Chandler

Staying out of the way.

Joey

You guys are not gonna believe this. I just talked to my agent and ..

Phoebe

Oh my... [Joey looks surprisingly] I'm sorry. Too soon. You Go..

Phoebe

Okay it just seems a little wild and you're so... vanilla.

Rachel

Vanilla? I'm not vanilla. I've done lots of crazy things. I mean I got drunk and married in Vegas.

Phoebe

To Ross.

Phoebe

You know ? 9 out of 10 wedding end in divorce.

Ross

That's not true.

Phoebe

Yeah. You're right. where is the missus ?