Chandler Bing quotes from Friends

Rachel

No 'accountants'. And no one from 'Legal'... I don't like guys with boring jobs...

Chandler

And Ross was what? A LION TAMER?

Rachel

You have the best taste in men

Chandler

Yeah.. Like father.. Like son...

Monica

[to Chandler] All right, I'm gonna show you something a lot of guys don't know. Rach, hand me that pad please.[starts to draw]

Chandler

Well, you don't have to draw an actual woma-- whoa, she's hot.

Monica

Now everybody knows the basic erogenous zones, you got one, two, three... four... five... six and seven.

Chandler

There are seven?

Rachel

Let me see that. Oh. Yep.

Chandler

[points] That's one?

Monica

Kind of an important one.

Chandler

Oh, you know what? I was looking at it upside down.

Rachel

Well, you know, sometimes that helps. [Chandler gapes.]

Monica

All right. Now most guys will hit one, two, three and then go to seven and set up camp.

Chandler

And that's bad?

Rachel

Well, if you go to Disneyland, you don't spend the whole day on the Matterhorn.

Chandler

Well, you might, if it were anything like seven.

Monica

All right. Uh, the important thing is to take your time. You want to hit them all and you want to mix them up. Keep them on their toes.

Rachel

Oooooo, toes! [Chandler stares.] For some people!

Monica

All right. You could start out with a little one, a two, a one two three, a three, a five, a four, a three two, two, a two four six, a two four six, four, two, two, four seven, five seven, six seven, [starts shouting] seven. Seven seven SEVEN SEVEN SEVEN SEVEN SEVEN SEVEN [leans back in ecstasy with eyes closed and holds up the number seven]... And there you are.

Rachel

Yeah, that'll work.

Phoebe

You know I'll be giving them the greatest gift ever.

Chandler

You're going to carry their baby and buy them a Sony PlayStation?

Chandler

[on why he and Kathy haven't had sex yet] It's just.. her last boyfriend was Joey, and...

Ross

[chuckles] And you're worried you won't be able to "fill his shoes".

Chandler

No, I'm worried I won't be able to make love as well as him.

Ross

I was going for the metaphor.

Chandler

Yes, and I was using the actual words.

Ross

What was Monica's nickname when she was a field hockey goalie?

Joey

Big Fat Goalie.

Ross

Correct. [A stung Monica reacts] Rachel claims this is her favourite movie.

Chandler

Dangerous Liaisons.

Ross

Correct. Her actual favourite is-

Joey

Weekend at Bernie's!

Ross

Correct. [Rachel gasps] In which part of her body did Monica get a pencil stuck at age 14? [Chandler thinks, then whispers in Ross's ear] Eww, no!! [Monica winces] Her ear! Monica categorises her towels. How many categories are there?

Joey

Everyday-use.

Chandler

Fancy.

Joey

Guest.

Chandler

Fancy Guest.

Ross

Two seconds.

Joey

Eleven?!

Ross

[clicking time]Eleven. Unbelievable. Eleven is correct. All right, that's four for the guys. Ladies, you're up. [The teams trade places, doing the double-fist bumps to each other] Thirty seconds on the clock. Five correct questions wins the game. The lightning round begins...now. What is Joey's favorite food?

Monica

Sandwiches.

Ross

Correct. Chandler was how old when he first touched a girl's breast?

Rachel

Fourteen?

Ross

No, nineteen.

Chandler

Thanks, man.

Ross

Joey had an imaginary childhood friend. His name was...

Monica

Maurice.

Ross

Correct. His profession was...

Rachel

Space cowboy.

Ross

Correct! What is Chandler Bing's job?

Rachel

Oh, gosh! Does it have something to do with numbers?

Monica

And processing.

Rachel

And he carries a briefcase.

Ross

Ten seconds. You need this or you lose the game.

Monica

It has something to do with transponding.

Rachel

Oh, oh! He's a transponds...transponster!

Monica

That's not even a word! I can get this! I can get this... [Ross clicks time--they've lost the apartment] NO!!!

I'll tell you what, Chandler. Why don't you call me when you grow up!

Chandler

Yeah, well, don't expect that to happen any time soon!

Chandler

Where are the guys? I'm ready to get drunk and see some strippers.

Monica

It's 9:30 in the morning!

Chandler

They got a breakfast buffet.

Chandler

I'm getting my nails done. You said it was going to be fun [Looks his fingers] which kind of it is..

Chandler

You said there would be guys. There are no guys .

Rachel

There is one right there

Chandler

That's a mail man.. That's our mail man.....

Ross

We knew we had two weeks together and thats it.

Joey

Thats what all my relationships are like.

Chandler

But in Ross's case they both know two weeks is it.

Chandler

I was just at the bank and there was this really hot teller, and she didn't ask me to go do it with her in the vault!

Joey

Same kind of thing happened to me! Woman pizza-delivery guy comes over, gives me the pizza, takes the money and leaves!

Chandler

What? No "Nice apartment. I bet the bedrooms are huge?"

Joey

No! Nothing!

Chandler

You know what? We have to turn off the porn.

I wanna name the girl baby Leslie, and Frank wants to name one of the boy babies Frank Junior Jr.

Chandler

Wouldn't that be Frank the Third?

Don't get me started. Anyway, um, since there are three babies and, um, we both got to put our names in, we would be truly honored if you would name the other boy baby.

Phoebe

Wow! That's so great! Oh! Oh! Cougar!

You think about it.

Chandler

You're right, it is a ridiculous name!

Joey

It's not that bad.

Chandler

Yes, it is! From now on, I have no first name.

Joey

So you're just "Bing?"

Chandler

I have no name.

Joey

We don't make enough fun of you already? What? What?

Ross

Oh, yeah. Emily convinced me to do it.

Chandler

You do know that Wham! broke up?

Ross

[about Emily] She lives there. I live here. I mean, she'd have to move here. [pause] She should move here!

Joey

What?

Ross

I can ask her to live with me.

Chandler

Are you serious?

Ross

Why not? I mean, why not?

Chandler

Because you've only known her for six weeks! Ok? I've got a carton of milk in my refrigerator I've had a longer relationship with.