Frasier · Season 11
I was having the most distressing dream; I was climbing up a volcano, that was spewing ice instead of lava.
An ice volcano. I wonder what that could mean.
Frasier checks his messages
Hello, it's Lilith.
[with sudden realization] Oh, well.
Shouldn’t you get the door?
You’re closer.
I don’t live here.
Doesn’t matter. You’re family.
So’s Daph…
[interrupts] Oh no, you don’t!
[from outside] Maybe if you slid me a key, I could let myself in.
Roz arrives at the awards ceremony with her insufferably smug sister
Roz, are you sure this dress didn't fit you? Because I'm just swimming in it.
(to a waiter) Two Bloody Marys, please. And there's a 20 in it for you if one of them's poisoned. I don't even care which one.
[Frasier has just seen Frederick’s goth girlfriend, and is reeling from the shock]
Well, at least he’s not dating outside the faith.
[Niles has just announced his rebellious plans to Frasier]
What?!
I’ve waited for this all my life, Frasier. One act of utter, devil-may-care, crotch-grabbing brazenness! And of course, I’ll have a nurse on speed-dial in case things get too hairy.
A caller on Frasier’s radio show has suddenly become involved in a domestic argument
I’m running away from home!
Oh, hang up the phone, Britney! You’re not going anywhere!
[calmly] And neither is this conversation. [cuts them off]
Frasier steps onto the scales at the weigh-in on television
Ouch! 1lb heavier, Fras’!
That can’t be! I’ve added a salad to every meal!
I just walked in on your insurance lady taking a sponge bath!
Dear God! Which sponge?
A policeman uncovers a boudoir portrait of Niles
What the hell is that?
(embarrassed) It's Pan, the satyr. A minor god of mischief, debauchery, and fornication.
(smiling) That’s what our son would look like if I were a goat.
Niles arrives at Frasier’s place. He has had a very bad day
I need a sherry.
Brace yourself!
[sees the empty bottle] You always think it’s going to happen to someone else.
Martin takes charge
[to Daphne] You’re gonna lose your looks? Happens to everyone. [to Frasier] You’re afraid you’re gonna end up alone? You’ll still have your family. [to Niles] You’re afraid you’re gonna be a bad father? Join the club! [to all three] Now just clam up and go to bed!
If truth be told, it's been a while since I...romped with abandon through the perfumed gardens of Eros.
Next time you say something like that, cover my ears.
Do you have any idea what it's like to play the same character for twenty years?!
[Niles is appalled when he learns the reason for his father’s heart attack.]
(to Frasier) Look at you! You just stand there with a smile on your face.
That’s make-up, you idiot!
Frasier and Niles discuss the possibility of a future without Martin
Now, I can’t imagine life without him.
It would be very hard to walk into this apartment and see that chair…and know that Dad wasn’t here anymore.
Oh, I’d get rid of that chair immediately.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Frasier pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
