Frasier quotes

105 total quotes

All Seasons
 Season 1   Season 2   Season 3  

Bulldog: Hey, T.J.! How was it, man?
T.J. Smith: It was horrible! They're like sharks in a feeding frenzy! The one who bought me had this crazed look in her eye!
[Roz walks in]
Roz: Where do I pay?
Frasier: Roz!
Roz: I saw what I wanted and I went after it!

Catherine: Your wife is really lucky.
Frasier: Well, I'm sure she'd say the same thing, especially now that our marriage is over.

Daphne: [about drawer-dividers for socks] I saw them once in a catalogue, but I couldn't imagine who in the world would buy such silly things. Course, I hadn't met Dr. Crane yet.
Martin: I used to think there'd been some sort of mix-up at the hospital. Of course, when Niles came along, it shot that theory all to hell.

Daphne: I had a mole removed.
Niles: Where?
Daphne: Just south of Manchester.
Niles: I meant, where on your body?
Daphne: So did I.

Daphne: It makes me glad we don't have so many guns in England.
Frasier: You don't need guns: you got kidney pie.

Daphne: My grandfather used to nap every afternoon. He lived to be 93.
Martin: Really?
Daphne: He'd lie there on the sofa and you couldn't wake him for the world. Grammy would say: "He might as well be a dead man." Then, of course, one day we couldn't wake him. He really was a dead man. Poor Grammy. For weeks, she kept insisting: "He's napping, he's napping."

Frasier: [about Daphne] She's psychic. We've decided to find it charming.

Frasier: [showing Martin around the station] Now, don't touch that! It's a very sophisticated piece of electronic equipment!
Martin: What is it?
Frasier: I have no idea. Roz told me never to touch it!

Frasier: All right, stop it! Get a grip. You're not being asked to do anything that none of us hasn't done before in our own kitchens in our own homes! Now quick, Niles, kill five eels!
Niles: Wait, wait! What?
Frasier: I'm serious! Every restaurant critic in Seattle is out there and they all want anguille, so start killing eels!
Niles: Wait, wait. How do you suggest I do that?
Frasier: How do I know? You're the chef. Throw a toaster in the damn tank for all I care!

Frasier: As some of you may know, yesterday I was mentioned in Derek Mann's "Mann About Town" column. He said, and I quote, "I Hate Frasier Crane"... "I Hate Frasier Crane." What trenchant criticism. Move aside, Voltaire. Step back in the shadows, H. L. Mencken. There's a new kid in town. One can only wonder how many hours Derek Mann sat in the glow of his computer screen before his trembling fingers sprang to life and pecked out this chef d'oeuvre: "I... hate... Frasier Crane."

Frasier: By the way, where's Maris? I haven't seen her all night.
Niles: She's on your bed.
Frasier: My bed?
Niles: Yes, she's asleep under the guests' coats. She exhausts easily under the pressure to be interesting.

Frasier: Do you wanna bag dinner?
Lilith: There's a bed and an honor bar, what more do we need?
Frasier: Come to me, my white-hot flame!
[Lilith jumps into Frasier's arms, and he carries her to the bed behind them.]

Frasier: God, I hate lawyers.
Niles: Me, too. But they make wonderful patients. They have excellent health insurance and they never get better.

Frasier: Good afternoon, Seattle. This is Dr. Frasier Crane, KACL 780. Well, it's another gray, depressing day here in the Emerald City. Here's hoping we can brighten up your afternoon. We hold it our personal duty to banish your rainy day blues. But first, a message from a new sponsor. [reads] "Death is inevitable"...

Frasier: How can anyone make a sound judgement about another person on the basis of one phone call?
Niles: [looks back] Remind me again what it is you do for a living.