TV show quotes
The news about Frasier's prospective new arts show starts an argument with Niles
You conniving copy-cat! You have to have whatever I have.
I do not have what you have; my audience is twice as large as yours is!
Oh well, at least my audience can read!
How dare you review my audience!
I went to all sorts of funerals as a child. My uncle's a mortician. Lovely man. He's offered to do my makeup for the wedding.
I can just hear the whispers now. "Did you see the bride? Very lifelike."
We've got to plan for it. We must all be prepared when the cold hand of death comes knocking on our door.
[Someone knocks at the door.]
Would you get that?
I most certainly will not.
Regan has admitted that her name is from a treacherous daughter in King Lear, which makes it less than flattering
I'm sorry, I have some issues with my father.
Enter Martin, who is trying to match them up
Excuse me again.
I have no idea what that would be like!
Roz is trying to persuade Frasier to buy tickets for a charity ball
Come on, it's for a good cause. They provide disaster relief.
Enter Poppy
Hi, partners!
How soon can they get here?
Frasier has just realized that the "game show" Martin wants to watch is The Antiques Roadshow, which he and Niles planned to watch
I'll just check outside and see if the world has ended.
Dr. Myshkin has arrived to examine the clock, and Frasier asks Daphne to bring in the caviar
Oh, I am so sorry. Here I am, dawdling with the laundry when it's ten minutes into Caviar Time!
After a minor car accident
Are you alright?
Yes. Thank Heaven your fist softened the blow of the airbag!
Niles and Mel are heading out to dinner
Well, off you go then. Just remember, Niles: nothing puts on love handles faster than chocolate soufflé.
Oh well, you know, no one takes them off faster than I do!
Frasier urges Niles and Lilith to behave as they used to towards each other: by trading insults
Well, I learned if you kiss her too fast you get an ice cream headache.
You also learned that I have twice your upper body strength, so shut your pie hole!
Was that so hard?
Beautiful job carving that turkey, Dr. Crane.
Well, I picked up a thing or two in medical school. In case you're wondering, this bird appears to have died of a massive head trauma.
No one's going to sell me on anything. Those exercises only help people who lack self-awareness. I, for one, am...[winces in pain] God Almighty!
[sarcastically] Well, no wonder you're stressed; you've got a whole universe to run!
Daphne, relieved that she misunderstood Frasier's musings earlier, is giving him a massage. He is very drowsy after taking the tranquilisers
When I said to your father, "Dr. Crane's in love with me", he said it's been going on for six years now. What did he mean by that?
(half-asleep) Oh, that…he meant Niles.
[shocked] What?!
Niles…he's crazy about you.
[about Niles's longtime crush on her] I can't very well discuss it with Dr. Crane; he's so close to Dr. Crane. If I told him, he might tell Dr. Crane, and then Dr. Crane might feel embarrassed.
[sarcastically] Yeah. Why confuse things?
Mel has discovered from Frasier that Niles was with Maris the previous evening, and storms off
(to Frasier) Anything else in the box, Pandora?!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Frasier pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
