TV show quotes
You are our only chance, Dr. Crane, and she must be defeated. She is evil! Heckles in 1704 was two days late with his condo fee and she lowered the water pressure in his shower. Eventually he died.
Of bad water pressure?
No, I think it was a hunting accident. But he spent his last months on this earth unable to get all the conditioner out of his hair.
Roz advises Frasier against running for condo board president
If somebody wants a garbage disposal, they'll bug you day and night, they'll leave kitchen scraps in your mailbox until they get what they want.
Have you served on a condo board?
No, but I have a brand new garbage disposal.
I've always liked the notion of meeting the great figures of history. But then I think: what if it's like high school and all the really cool dead people don't want to hang out with me? Mozart'll tell me he's busy but then later I'll see him out with Shakespeare and Lincoln!
“We know for whom the bell tolls.”
(A distant bell sounds, from the kitchen)
Anybody else hear that?
Niles is finding this new spontaneous attitude to dating quite exhilarating
Feel like a new man?
I feel like a new woman, and thank God I remembered to pack one!
Maris phones Niles to tell him he cannot see other people
You see what's happening here?
Yes. Your ex-wife is ruining my sex life!
[about Martin's chair] Dad, when are you going to stop blighting the environment with this monstrosity? My God, can't you see that it wants to die? Let it go.
You know, I keep having this dream where you're saying the same thing, only I'm in the hospital and you're slipping the nurse a twenty.
Dad, that will never happen.
Thank you.
I have medical power of attorney. It won't cost me a thing.
[about his new pet bird] She's very exotic. She only eats every other day, and she's so white she's almost blue.
Geez, I'm gettin' nervous. That's what he said just before he introduced us to Maris!
Eddie is dancing, and Martin is very proud
He's practically doin' a polka.
Oh, good. That should up his price when I sell him to the carnival.
Niles is back from a wedding in the woods. Daphne finds that his shoulder is sticky and wonders why. Frasier asks if he took a date
I asked Maris.
Sap.
I think Daphne speaks for us all.
Frederick is returning from a walk with Martin
Dad, did Grandpa ever tell you the story of how he captured four bank robbers with just a nightstick?
No. He did tell me how he captured two bank robbers with just a revolver, his partner and a SWAT team.
They got there later!
Frasier and Niles are at Café Nervosa discussing the impending softball game. Frederick and Daphne arrive from the amusement park
So you see the problem?
I certainly do!
No, that's your problem!
It's not like she [Bebe] worships the Devil.
She doesn't have to. He worships her!
Not one more deceitful word... your tongue could open a wine bottle!
(in a spooky voice) Nightmare Inn.
Oh, don't tell me, I know. A bunch of people get caught in a storm and everyone's wondering who's gonna be the first one murdered.
Exactly. And I'm going to direct.
So we can stop wondering.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Frasier pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
