Frasier is trying to persuade Marta to let him speak to Maris
MMarta
Missy Crane say, “No you Doctor Crane, no other Doctor Crane, and no Crane with a cane!”
S3 E8The Last Time I Saw Maris
[Martin is giving the police a description of Maris]
Yes, thin. Make that very thin. Caucasian. Very Caucasian.
S3 E9Frasier Grinch
At the KACL Christmas party, Bulldog enters Frasier's studio wearing mistletoe over his head
Hey Roz, you know what's over my head?
Almost any clever remark?
[Gil bursts out laughing.]
[to Gil] What's she mean by that?
Frasier has been sent the wrong presents from the educational toy company
These are for a Franklin Crane from Kennebunkport. Do you know what this means?
Yes: the Cranes of Maine have got your 'Living Brain'!
S3 E10It's Hard to Say Goodbye If You Won't Leave
Martin is writing a letter, and Niles cannot help proofreading it over his shoulder
It's best not to end a sentence with a preposition.
(Martin writes something on a piece of paper and hands it to Niles)
Not to be technical, but “off” is a preposition too.
Daphne is trying to cheer up Frasier before his date
There's nothing quite as exciting as a first date. All those questions you ask. “What's your favorite food?” “What's your favorite color?” “If you were to come back as an animal, what sort of animal would you be?” If she were to ask you that one, what would you say?
“Check, please” comes to mind.
S3 E11The Friend
[Niles explains why he doesn't like horse races.]
It's the jockeys, if you must know. Diminutive, underweight figures in expensive silks, wielding riding crops, just remind me too much of Maris.
Roz interrupts Frasier during his show to stop him inviting listeners to accost him in public
I, for one, happen to believe in the kindness of strangers.
Well, I believe in the strangeness of strangers.
S3 E12Come Lie With Me
[to Martin] Would you get Eddie off of the couch? Or else it's out to the garbage chute for the thrill ride of his life!
Daphne, you can't go. You have to stay. I've only just recently realized how important you are to us. You see, if you go, Dad and I will kill each other. I'm not just tossing out hyperbole here. I'm speaking in the most literal sense. Dad and I — both dead! Only he'll be lying there with a bacteria-ridden sponge protruding from his mouth like a bloated tongue.
S3 E13Moon Dance
I've taken Maris to hundreds of these events and she has not once wanted to dance. Of course, Maris hates public displays of rhythm.
So this one night I invited her down to the corner bar.
Coroners have their own bar?
No. Corner, Niles — the corner bar!
S3 E14The Show Where Diane Comes Back
Frasier breaks the news of Diane's return to Niles
She's back! The scourge of my existence!
Strange, I usually get some sign when Lilith is in town: dogs forming into packs, blood weeping down the wall…
Diane is telling a tiresome story over dinner. Martin finds an effective way to take the wind out of her sails
DDiane
I suddenly discovered myself entangled in an enormous bed of…of, um…
Sea kelp?
DDiane
Exactly right, sea kelp!
Oh, that's funny; I thought he said “seek help”
?"Franklin"
Could we just stop for a second? This whole getting left at the altar thing... I just don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling.
I may be able to illuminate that for you! What you are feeling is that this woman has reached into your chest, plucked out your heart, and thrown it to her hellhounds for a CHEW TOY! It's not the last time, either, because that's what this woman is: SHE IS THE DEVIL! It's no use running away from her! Because no matter how far you go, no matter how many years you let pass, you will never be completely out of reach of those BONY FINGERS!! So drink hearty, Franklin, and LAUGH! Because you have made a pact with Beelzebub, AND HER NAME IS MARY ANNE!!!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Frasier pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.