Father Dougal quotes from Father Ted

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Father Dougal

It's like a big tide of jam coming towards us, but jam made out of old women.

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Father Dougal

(Looking out the Window)I'm no good at judging the size of crowds,but i'd say theres around seventeen million of them out there

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Father Dougal

You're not scared of the dark,are you?It's only cause the sun goes...and...its got something to do with clouds

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Dougal

That's mad, Ted.

S3 Unknown Episodes

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Scenes with Father Dougal 93

(Dougal struggles to remember his prayers.)

Father Dougal

Our Father, who art in heaven...

(sternly) Hallowed.

Father Dougal

Hallowed be thy..

Name!

Father Dougal

Papa don't preach...

Dougal, you know you can praise God in other ways.

Father Dougal

Oh yeah, like that time you told me I could praise him just by leaving the room.

Yes, that was a good one all right.

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(As Dougal and Ted attempt to sleep.)

Father Dougal

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Father Dougal

Father Dougal McGuire.

Good night Dougal!

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Father Dougal

They have horse riding as well. I remember I did it last year. Well it wasn't really a horse, it was actually this oul fella. He couldn't go very fast so I had to hit him with the whip a few times.

How old was he?

Father Dougal

I'd say he was about 80.

And how long were you up on him?

Father Dougal

About an hour?

So you were up on an 80-year-old man's back for 60 minutes, whipping him around the place. Do you realise that image will stay with me for the rest of my life?

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(Father Dougal, walks in to the living room. He has shaving cream all over his face)

Er.. Dougal? There's some shaving cream just there (points to his own face)

(Dougal looks carefully at Ted's face)

Father Dougal

No there's not Ted. No. You're grand.

No. On You.

Father Dougal

Where exactly Ted?

Dougal it's all over the place.

(Dougal walks over to a mirror)

Father Dougal

How on earth did all that get there? I didn't even shave this morning! (Towels face)

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(Dougal is excited about Funland, an annual fair on Craggy Island, which opens that afternoon

Father Dougal

They have horse riding as well. I remember I did it last year. Well it wasn't really a horse, it was actually this ol' fella. He couldn't go very fast so I had to hit him with the whip a few times.

How old was he?

Father Dougal

I'd say he was about 80.

And how long were you up on him?

Father Dougal

About an hour?

So you were up on an 80-year-old man's back for 60 minutes, whipping him around the place. Do you realise that image will stay with me for the rest of my life?