Niamh Connolly quotes from Father Ted

The church in Ireland secretly had lots of potatoes during the famine, and they hid the potatoes in pillows and sold them abroad in potato fairs. And the Pope closed down a lot of the factories that were makin' the potatoes and turned them into prisons for children.

Father Ted

God almighty, she says that as if there's something sinister about it all! I mean, what is the problem with her?!

Niamh Connolly

Craggy Island. Yeah. Craggy Island's the place for me.

Niamh Connolly

I see it as being a safe haven for those who wish to escape the hypocrisy of the mainland.

Father Ted

God!

Niamh Connolly

I wish to create a world free from sexual and religious intolerance

Father Ted

No that's terrible news!

Father Ted

Right! Basically we have to stand our ground. If she's on the island I'm bound to bump into her. I'll just tell her the people of Craggy island will NOT stand for a world free of sexual and religious intolerance!

Father Dougal

(animated in his agreement) No Way! Jose!

Father Dougal

You all right there? How's your bra?

Niamh Connolly

WHAT?!

Father Dougal

Your bra! Is it comfortable? Do you have a bra?

Father Dougal

It's not too tight, is it? 'Cause you can loosen it if you want. Take it off, sure, go on.

Father Dougal

Or would you like some tea? I'll tell you what, I'll make the tea and you take your bra off. [gets up]

Father Ted

We're a very progressive parish!

Niamh Connolly

I hope it's not a hideaway for pedophile priests. That whole thing disgusted me!

Father Ted

Well Niamh, we're not all like that. Say if there's two hundred million priests in the world and five percent are pedophiles, that's still only ten million.

Father Ted

No. What we wanted to create here was a world free of intolerance and hypocrisy.

Niamh Connolly

Really Father?

Father Ted

Yes. If there's one thing I hate it is hypocrisy.