Glenn Quagmire quotes from Family Guy

Quagmire

Here, rub this up and on the inside of your cheek

Giggity!

Quagmire

Ahhh! Stop staying that!

Quagmire

I got a promotion at Blockbuster!

Peter

Gleonard Quagmire, that is fantastic news.

Quagmire

I know, right? Do you know how I always felt like I was stuck in second gear? Well, this is new gear!

Quagmire

Hey, look. A pair of working legs. Dibs on these!

Joe

What? Aw, come on, Quagmire!

Quagmire

Joe, I said "dibs".

Joe

No, no. You're right. You said "dibs".

Peter

Hey, can somebody change the channel? I'll watch anything except these stupid home renovations shows.

Quagmire

What's wrong with them?

Peter

Besides their lack of Kermits? Lots of things.

Cleveland

Whoa, Jerome. What's with the wheelchair?

Jerome

Well, it was date night with my ladyfriend. Put on some Teddy Pendergrass. One thing led to another. We started making love halfway up the stairs. Then, I lost my footing and tumbles down half a flight!

Quagmire

[appalled] Well! This is hardly a dinner conversation!

Cleveland

You forgot your anniversary again.

Peter

Yeah, and what's worse, I lied and I told Lois I had an awesome gift planned for tonight. If I don't come up with somethin' amazing, I am so screwed.

Joe

Hey, you want to give Lois a treat? Popcorn-ucopia. Now, they're a little outfit out there in Fort Wayne, Indiana, family owned and operated for five generations over there in the "crossroads of America." Indiana's state motto. And get this. They make a metal cannister with three different kinds of popcorn, but they're separated!

Cleveland

Maybe you should just take Lois out to a fine restaurant.

Joe

Now, I can hear some of you saying, "Joe, why separated?"

Quagmire

None of us are sayin' that, Joe.

Joe

Okay, here's why. Three flavors of popcorn in one tin, and they don't mix. Unless, of course, you want them to mix. This is a home run, man.

Quagmire

[to Peter] Kind of short notice to get a good table in any restaurant.

Joe

I don't think you appreciate that they don't mix. Your caramel corn stays separate from your cheese corn, which stays separate from your corn corn. You see, in the past, you would need three tubs of corn.

Quagmire

Yes, we get it! We know about the corn, Joe!

Joe

[chuckles] Honestly, I don't think you do.