Malvo quotes from Everybody Hates Chris

Malvo

Chris, when I get out, I'm comin' after you. Y-O-O.

Doc

They... they let you out?

Malvo

Yeah. I got time off for good behavior.

Narrator

That's like letting the Devil outta Hell.

Chris

Man, you didn't even have a real gun?

Malvo

It's hard to rob a gun store, man, they got guns!

Narrator

I was so good at sneakin' around, I thought about joinin' the CIA. [Malvo appears] Or maybe the DOA.

Malvo

I got a question for you, boy. What is today?

Chris

Uh, Wednesday?

Malvo

Nah! Today is two days after the day before yesterday.

Narrator

Malvo was an idiot savant—98% idiot, 2% savant.

Malvo

You owe Malvo a gold chain.

Narrator

Good thing I didn't stop him from stealing a gold house.

Malvo

So I'm supposed to be afraid because you brought your daddy out here?

Julius

No, you s'posed to be scared because if you ever put yo hands on my son again, you ain't goin' to jail. [Holds up metal baseball bat] I'm goin' to jail.

Malvo

[Eyeing bat] Whatchoo gonna do?

Julius

You find out what I'm gonna do. You think I'm playin'? When you in the shower, I'm gonna be there.

Julius

You think I'm playin'?

Julius

When you watchin' TV, I'll be there.

Julius

You think I'm playin'?

Julius

Even in yo dreams, I'm gonna be there.

Mr. Malvo, you're free to go. [Malvo dances in joy] Case dismissed. [Bangs gavel]

Malvo

[Turns and points to someone off screen] Yeah, what'd I tell you dude?! [Turns and sees Julius holding the bat] Hey!

Julius

You think I'm playin'?

Malvo

Yeah...that's alright.

Julius

It's gon' BE alright!

Malvo

You're lucky i don't know my daddy!

Chris

Malvo!

Malvo

What?!

Chris

I've decided to help you.

Malvo

[to a kid he's frightening] Looks like I won't be needing you after all, four-eyes!

Malvo, do you like Jell-O?

Malvo

Yeah, I love Jell-O.

I love Jell-O too!