Tonya Rock quotes from Everybody Hates Chris

Narrator

While I was worried about getting to school, Tonya was worried about getting out of school.

Rochelle

Boy, slow down. You're acting like your food is trying to get away from you.

Chris

I'm trying to get to bed. I'm really tired.

Tonya

Hey, Daddy, can I get my hair done at Nessa's for graduation?

Julius

Sure, baby.

Tonya

Can I get a new dress too?

Rochelle

You don't need a new dress; you can wear your church dress.

Tonya

But I wore that for Easter. If I wear it for graduation, I'll look back at the pictures, I won't know what I'm remembering.

Rochelle

You'll remember that we couldn't afford to buy you two dresses.

Chris

[finishes his drink rapidly] Plus, in one of the pictures, you'd be holding the chocolate bunny. [kisses Rochelle's cheek] Love you. Good night.

Rochelle

Good night.

Julius

That's okay. I've been saving up for this. How many times does a girl graduate from sixth grade?

Narrator

In Bed-Stuy, five.

Tonya

Thanks, Daddy.

Rochelle

What are you writing, Drew?

Drew

It's a list of things I can do on Amateur Night at the Apollo. I'm gonna try out.

Julius

Drew, that's a tough audience. You can't just go up there and do anything; they will boo you faster than Casper on Halloween.

Rochelle

Stevie Wonder could see before he did Amateur Night; they booed him blind.

Tonya

They booed "Magic" Johnson so bad, he gave up singing.

Drew

"Magic" Johnson is a basketball player.

Tonya

Now.

Drew

Well, they're not gonna boo me.

Narrator

That's what Roseanne said before she sang The National Anthem!

Narrator

[as Chris enters a diner] Next to a pregnancy scare, waitin' for the results from my G.E.D. was one of the scariest moments of my life.

Who gets that fried crust?

Rochelle

[showing up] Hi, baby.

Chris

Hey. Where's Drew and Tonya?

Rochelle

They're walkin' over from Doc's.

Chris

[singing along] Tommy used to work on the docks. Union's been on strike; he's down on his luck. It's tough.

Rochelle

[as Drew and Tonya show up] Hey!

Tonya

Hi Mom.

Drew

Oh, I love fried crusts!

Rochelle

Don't fill up on it.

Tonya

Where's Daddy?

Drew

In his skin. When he jumps out, you can jump in.

Rochelle

[singing along] Hold on...

Chris

[singing along] ...if we make it or not. We'll give it a shot.

[singing along] Oh, we're halfway there! Oh, oh! Livin' on a prayer! Take my hand; we'll make it, I swear! Oh, oh! Livin' on a prayer!

Chris

Hey Ma, I heard they were hirin' at Red Lobster.

Tonya

They're not hirin' you.

Drew

I wonder how hungry people have to be to eat a lobster? Like, who looks at that and says, "Man, that looks good!"?

Rochelle

Have you thought about what you're gonna do if you don't pass the G.E.D.?

Julius

[showing up with Chris' G.E.D. results] Hey, everybody.

Tonya

Hey, Daddy.

Rochelle

Hi. What's that?

Julius

Chris' G.E.D. results.

Drew

Did you pass?

Tonya

Open it.

Julius

Is that fried crust?

Drew

Yeah. And it's good.

Chris

[last line on the show] What's it say? [the screen blacks out afterwards, leaving it ambiguous as to whether Chris passed the G.E.D. or not, and the credits roll in silence, mimicking the final episode of The Sopranos.]