Greg Wuliger quotes from Everybody Hates Chris

Chris

I told you I'd be back.

Greg

Yeah, but for how long, Chris? For how long?

Narrator

That concludes another episode of "As the Nerd Turns."

Chris

What do you want me to say? We have a lot in common. He gets stuff that you don't.

Greg

Like what?

Narrator

Sickle cell anemia.

Greg

I'm gonna do what I do every Christmas at the old folks' home.

Chris

What's that?

Greg

Pose for pictures dressed as baby Jesus.

Narrator

I posed for pictures as big baby Jesus. R.I.P., ODB.

Chris

Mom, Kathleen Devereaux, 551 East 63 Street.

Greg

Dude, that's on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. Do you know what kind of people live there?

Narrator

White people and Spike Lee.

Narrator

I tried to bring Greg up to speed on the new direction of the South.

Greg

Down South? You mean, like, across the Mason-Dixon Line?

Chris

Yeah. You know, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, South Carolina.

Greg

Mississippi? Are you trying to get yourself killed? You going to Mississippi is like me going to... hmm, I don't know, Mississippi.

Greg

Dude, once a friend, always a friend. It's the Westermarck effect.

Chris

West what?

Greg

Edward Westermarck. He was a scientist. He concluded that when two people live together in close proximity during the early years of life, they will never become boyfriend and girlfriend.

Narrator

That means I still have a chance with Shakira.

Chris

So, have you ever kissed anyone?

Greg

[Scoffs] Have I? You gotta be kidding me.

Chris

[Flatly] Cousins don't count.

Greg

Oh. Then no.

Greg

[To Chris] Are you sure you really wanna play Spin-The-Bottle? I mean, there's always the chance you'll end up kissing someone that's... I don't know, let's just say...

Narrator

Ugly!

Narrator

Drew had a point. Besides Greg, there was only one person who would care if I wasn't in school.

Caruso

[elbowing Greg in the ribs] Morning, shoeshine.

Greg

I'm not black. Why'd you do that?

Caruso

I don't know where Chris is.

Chris

How am I gonna get a girl from this school to go with me?

Greg

Just ask somebody.

Chris

I did. I asked Lisa, Sydney, Darlene and they all said no.

Narrator

I even asked Ms. Morello.

Chris, I'm really flattered, but no.

Narrator

Where's Mary Kay Letourneau when you need her?

Greg

Hey, check out what I made for my mom for Mother's Day: macaroni pajamas.

Chris

Don't you think you're a little bit too old to be making macaroni presents?

Narrator

When Greg got engaged, he gave his fiancée a piece of rigatoni.

Greg

You know, we can't let this happen. Starsky and Hutch didn't break up.

Narrator

They were both white.

Greg

Butch and Sundance didn't break up.

Narrator

White again.

Greg

Crockett and Tubbs didn't break up.

Narrator

Tubbs thought he was white.

Greg

Want some cash?

Chris

You kiddin' me?

Greg

Take it, man. I can get more tomorrow.

Narrator

Greg was like an ATM machine with acne.

Chris

Welcome back, dude.

Greg

Thanks.

Narrator

After all was said and done, even a roomful of girls wasn't the same as having one good friend.

Chris

Greg? What are you doing here?

Greg

Got kicked out of the Bronx Academy, so I'm back.

Chris

See you still have that coat.

Greg

I've changed in ways you couldn't imagine, Chris. I've seen things. I've done things. I've tasted blood and it tastes good.