Greg Wuliger quotes from Everybody Hates Chris

Greg

At the Bronx Academy, I was somebody.

Narrator

Yeah, you were the guy who got kicked out.

Greg

Dude, the movie The Invisible Man has absolutely nothing to do with the book Invisible Man. I don't know what you wrote, but whatever it is, you better not let Ms. Rivera read it.

Narrator

Too bad I didn't write that paper in invisible ink!

Greg

Captain Obvious only gives you the obvious solution. The rest is up to you.

Narrator

Kinda like Google.

Greg

I can't believe your dad saved a guy. That's so cool. You know, if that guy had been a girl, he'd be so in there.

Narrator

Another one of Greg's pick-up techniques. If you stop a girl from killin' herself, she might go out with you.

Greg

I thought I didn't have a personality of my own, but you don't.

Chris Rock

[narrating] Yay! We both suck!

Chris

You got the IDs?

Greg

Is Janet Jackson in control?

Narrator

Yeah, but Michael isn't.

Chris

James "Bonecrusher" Smith is the first heavyweight champ with a college degree. The brother's smart.

Narrator

Then why'd he go into the face-punchin' business?

Chris

You know what? I'll bet you $5 that he beats Tyson in Vegas next week.

Greg

It's like taking candy from a baby.

Narrator

Who would do that?

I need you, you need me.

Greg

And we need those tickets. It's a win-win.

Narrator

Said the guy who wasn't gonna get punched.

Greg

Free at last, free at last! Thank God almighty we are free at last!

Chris

Greg, it's spring break, not the end of racism.

Greg

Dude! You hit me with a car.

Narrator

Sounds like the title of an Ashton Kutcher movie.

Greg

So, where were we? Oh, that's right. You were trying to explain how you didn't run me over.

Chris

No, I didn't.

Greg

So that wasn't you behind the steering wheel when my face was smashed up against the windshield?

Chris

No, because if I had hit you, that meant I was driving someone's car, and that someone would go to jail for a really, really, really long time if we snitched. So, not only would you be hurt, he would be hurt also, and don't you think enough people have been hurt already?

Greg

OK, I get it. You didn't hit me.

Narrator

Spoken just like Tina Turner.

Chris

Man, it's messed up!

Greg

That's OK. We've survived worse things. Remember the time we survived those Cuban drug runners?

Where's the drugs?!

Chris

We don't have any coke, but there's a Pepsi machine upstairs.

Greg

Yeah, and remember the time we were captured by those Vietnamese guys?

Chris

C'mon! Go ahead, Greg. Go ahead! [the Vietnamese guy punches him] It's gonna be OK. It's gonna be all right. [the Vietnamese guy punches Greg] GO AHEAD!

Greg

Go fish.

Chris

Remember the time we took out that mobster? [to Greg] Leave the gun. Take the Pop-Tarts.

Greg

Yeah, we've had some crazy times.

Greg

Kristoff St. John didn't hit me.

Chris

Yeah, he's right. That's not him.

Rochelle

Well, I thought you said you didn't see anything.

Narrator

Yeah, dummy!

Chris

Oh. Now that I think about it, it's kinda all coming back. As I came around the corner, I think I might have caught a glimpse of the driver.

Well, let's get you with the sketch artist.

Narrator

Jesse from All My Children, you're next.

Greg

Once I get up to Lake Winnipesaukee with my mom and dad, it's not gonna be good.

Chris

I thought your parents split up?

Greg

They did, but neither one will give up the timeshare, so I'm taking the bus to meet them for a weekend of fishing and drinking... and fighting.

Narrator

Don't forget cryin'!

Greg

Dude, where's our car?

Narrator

That sounds like the title of a movie.