Doug Ross quotes from E.R.

Carol

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....uhhh....

Doug

12 tone-deaf doctors.

Mark

11 lords a lording.

Susan

10 drummers drumming.

Carter

9 something, something.

Lydia

8 maids a milking.

Malik

7 swans a swatting.

6 geese a gagging.

5 golden rings! 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtledoves, and a partridge in a pear tree!

Carol

Guess who's in the suture room? Come on, guess.

Doug

We don't wanna guess.

Carol

He's wearing a Catholic girl's outfit. Plaid skirt, ballet slippers, frilly blouse. David Morganstern ring a bell?

Doug

Our David Morganstern?

Carol

Knee socks, too.

Susan

Somebody get a camera!

Doug

What are you doing here on your day off?

Mark

I went for a jog and ended up here, and I figured I might as well save some lives.

Doug

One other good reason not to exercise.

Doug

Boy, are you arrogant! There's you and the Pope. You guys are infallible. And then there's the rest of us.

Mark

Well, as of today, the Pope's on his own.

Connie

I'm heading upstairs.

Doug

Can we watch?

Carol

My God. Connie, haven't you had that baby yet?

Connie

Oh, you won't have me to make fun of after today.

Carol

Thought you were working up to your due date.

Connie

I have, and then some. Doc's gonna induce if nothing happens by Monday. I'm going up to OB for a non-stress test. I feel like a damn elephant.

Doug

An elephant's gestation period is two years.

Connie

Oh, shut your mouth.

Doug

Randi, you meet a cute guy for the first time. What do you do?

Randi

Run a credit check.

Doug

Is that the mother from the fire?

Mark

Yeah, I think so.

Doug

It should have been her airway. I would have let her suffocate.

Jerry

Hot date?

Mark

Just a couple of single guys hanging out.

Doug

So, we'll leave around 8 o'clock for a 9 o'clock set?

Jerry

You know, I'm not doing anything tonight.

Doug

Really, Jerry? Good, because there's a great game on TV.

Doug

You know what? I'm not going to say anything about that physics book.

Carol

Oh, God, it was probably a stupid idea anyway.

Doug

Hey, if that's what you want to do... If I can make it, anyone can.

Carol

Thanks.

Mark

You wanted to see me?

Doug

Yes I did... how many shifts do you work each week, four?

Mark

Yeah.

Doug

If we don't work the same shifts, we'll get along great.

Mark

Is this about that patient's father?

Doug

This is about your inability to respect my decisions.

Mark

Doctors disagree sometimes Doug, you can't take it personally.

Doug

It's entirely personal Mark, you've been on your moral high horse ever since I came in with Nadine Wilkes.

Mark

Well, what do you expect when you drag your dirty laundry through the door?

Doug

But it's not personal... right? Who are you kidding?

Carol

Have you seen Mark? Is he okay?

Doug

Put it this way, he called a staff meeting.

Carol

Mark Greene?

Doug

Yep.

Carol

Glasses? Receding hair line? Broken heart?

Doug

That's the one.

Doug

So, Natalie, you get a lot of ear infections, do you?

Can you just give me the Amoxicillin? I have a playdate.

You don't need to look! Just give me the antibiotic! Augmentin will be just fine if you're worried about resistance!

Doug

You know a lot of things about a lot of things, don't you, Natalie?

Yes, I do.

Doug

So do you want to tell Nurse Hathaway about Coulomb's law?

Carol

Ah, that's the fundamental law of electrostatics, which states that the force between two charged particles is directly proportional to the product of their charges.

Doug

And inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them. Isn't that right, Natalie?

Doug

It looks like snow.

Carol

It smells like snow.

Doug

Carol, what does that mean?

Carol

You can smell snow coming. It has a smell.

Doug

It smells like burritos.

Carol

Look, what are we going to do about Mark?

Doug

Put him on a plane or have him killed.

Carol

I don't think I can take this much longer, you know? Maybe you should talk to him.

Doug

I talked to him once, he said he was okay. Ask him again, it gets a little weird.

Carol

Ohh, you'd be violating the guy code.

Doug

Guy code?

Carol

Yeah, of noncommunication.

Doug

How's your head? Any confusion?

Charlie Chiemingo

Yeah. What year is it? December '95, according to this hot magazine you gave me. Did you know that Michael and Lisa Marie are splitting up?

Mark

How many people know about me and Chuny Marquez?

Doug

Including the cleaning crew?