Doug Ross quotes from E.R.

Dr. Ross...

Doug

Doug.

Before you try any harder, Cindy Sadwick is a very good friend of mine.

Doug

Mm-hmm. How is Cindy?

Well, she can't say your name without adding a few words I don't want my son to hear.

Doug

Tell her I said "hello."

Ross

So, I hear you're fostering Tatiana.

Carol

You gonna try and talk me out of it like everyone else?

Ross

No, I think it's a wonderful thing what you're doing.

Carol

Really?

Ross

Absolutely. I always said you'd make a great mother.

A patient presents to ER, ptosis, myosis and hydrosis. Dr. Ross, what does that bring to mind?

Doug

The Osis sisters. I dated the short one.

Mark

What's Benton doing?

Carter

Out looking for Dr. Dyer. It's about his mother though. Figures if he can't make her better then he'll fix everything else.

Doug

Carter, I think you took one too many Psych classes.

Susan

Why do nurses wear colors and doctors wear white?

Carol

Because doctors are pure and good.

Doug

Does that include me?

Carol

No.

Carol

What's wrong with me? Why can't I fall in love with a nice guy? Someone who loves me, who wants to be with me, who is honest and decent?

Doug

Mmm... And boring.

Carol

God, he was dull!

Carter

[after he gives Doug a small idol statue] Dr. Ross, a little taste of the islands.

Doug

Carter, you shouldn't have.

Carter

It's Wondoa. He's the god of fertility.

Carol

Just what you need, Doug.

Mark

You did some of your residency with Kerry Weaver?

Doug

Yeah, when we crossed paths.

Mark

Morgenstern wants me to consider her for chief.

Doug

Really?

Mark

That bad?

Doug

Did you ever see Cuckoo's Nest?

What do you do after a day like today?

Doug

I tend to drink, but I'm not the best role model.

Mark

Did you get the job?

Doug

90 grand a year and nobody dies. Hallelujah, auf Wiedersehen, I'll see you around.

Mark

What's he doing on a news chopper?

Jerry

[Jerry points to the TV] Hey look there's Doctor Ross.

Malik

Turn up the volume.

Wendy

Where's the remote?

Mark

[speaks into the radio] Doug, do you read me?

Doug

Mark, is that you?

Mark

What are you doing?

Doug

I got a 12-year-old with hypothermia. I gotta warm him up fast! I'm doing the best I can.

Doug

He's in V-Fib!... Come on!

What are those paddles for Dr. Ross?

Doug

Stabilize his beat. They didn't charge the battery!

Mark

[Watching in the ER] Oh my God!

Doug

GOD!

Doug

All right, I need your help. Turn the camera off... Turn the camera off!

Mark

Doug, you're a mess. Go change into some scrubs.

Mark

You're freezing. Go get some coffee and warm up.

Mark

Hey! I need you here! Go change!

Doug

[Doug starts to leave] I never should have put him on that damn chopper!

Mark

So, you can't take the fact that I'm your boss?

Doug

Typically narcissistic of you, Mark. I can't take the fact that anyone's my boss.

Mark

You're way outta line, Doug, go back to your patient.

Doug

My patient is going to CT.

Mark

No, he's not. This kid is going to CT now.

Doug

Fine, then mine's going to the OR for an exploratory lap.

Mark

Like hell he is, you are not putting a patient under the knife just tryin' to win a pissing contest.

Doug

You're damn right, I'm not. I'm doing it so he doesn't bleed out while you tie up the CT for a skull fracture.

Mark

Go home!

Doug

What?

Mark

I'm taking over your patient.

Doug

What?

Mark

And writing you up. Go home!