Doug Ross quotes from E.R.

Doug

How did you end up going out with two women on the same night?

Mark

Scheduling mix-up. Any suggestions?

Doug

Dinner with one, drinks with the other.

Mark

Yeah... I think they're both expecting the works.

Doug

Who do you like more?

Mark

Well, Heather's a lot of fun.

Doug

Fun's good.

Mark

Polly, she's... she's very spiritual.

Doug

Spiritual like what? Like, like crystals or something?

Mark

Heather's got Bulls tickets.

Doug

Bulls! Say no more.

Mark

Yeah, you're right. I'll call Polly. I'll make up an excuse and go out with her tomorrow night.

Doug

You're playing with fire here.

Mark

I can juggle.

Doug

You're gonna get burnt. Women can smell deceit.

Mark

You ought to know.

Doug

Those days are long gone, my friend.

Mark

So, what do you do now?

Doug

Give advice.

Carol

Doug, I know everyone is worried about me, but I'm fine. I was scared in that store, but I'm okay now.

Doug

So why did you go ahead and take it?

Carol

The MCATs? For me. I just wanted to see if I was good enough.

Doug

You are.

Mark

Remember when we were gonna change the world?

Doug

No, I was always in it for the money.

Doug

You can get through my door.

Carol

Anybody with a bra can get through your door.

Doug

[to Carol] You do things for people that doctors don't even think about doing.

Maggie

[enters] Carol? This guy in the hall needs a clean-up. He just did a major Code Brown. [exits]

Carol

You're right. I wipe butts.

Kerry

Jerry, what are you doing?

Jerry

I saw a mouse by the elevator. Soon to be deceased.

Kerry

Sounds like Heidi.

Doug

You know this mouse?

Carol

[while reading a story that was found under the desk] "Witchcraft attracted her as a child when Zulu tribesmen on her father's game preserve tried sorcery to heal her shriveled leg."

Jerry

Oh, Weaver's in it?

Doug

Hey you guys! It's Mark!

Carol

Doug, you promised me you wouldn't tell anybody about my birthday.

Doug

Aah, that was last year.

Carol

Yeah, and you told everyone then, too.

Doug

At least I'm consistent.

Doug

I saw your belly-button ring is infected. What did you do, a do-it-yourself with a rusty nail?

Charlie Chiemingo

I don't feel so good.

Doug

Yeah, well, we pumped your stomach. Found more chemicals in there than a toxic waste dump.

Carol

[to documentary film crew] Actually, it's a myth about doctors and nurses dating so much. I know more nurses who date cops, fireman, paramedics...

Doug

I'm sorry, I need a nurse in three.

Carol

[smiling] What?

Doug

Lucy, you got some 'splaining to do. What's all this about cops and firemen?

Carol

Huh, jealous?

Doug

Jealous? I just want to know what you're doing for them that you're not doing for me.

Carol

Ooh, I'll tell you later if you bring the cuffs.

Doug

I thought I was going to get some sleep tonight.

Carol

Don't count on it.

Kerry

[to documentary film crew] Sometimes I hesitate with a family before I give the news. I know I'm going to say something that will change their lives forever.

Carol

You think that if you don't say it, it'll be okay for a little while longer.

Doug

I told this one mother that her son had been killed, and she said, 'Is it broken?' I'm looking at her, I don't know what she's saying. I'm just staring at her. So, she said, 'His arm, is it broken? He's pitching tomorrow.' She just walked away.

Kerry

Did you just let her leave like that?

Doug

No, no. I called Carol and had her take care of it. [looks at camera] That's a true story.

Stewart, stay with them on their mic.

Doug

[Looking at the camera] Look at him, I bet he wishes he can read lips.

Doug

Hi there dumb ass!

Carol

Doug, he's waving.

Doug

You gotta mic?

Carol

[Gasp] Oh my god, do you think he can hear me?!

Doug

Turn it off.

Doug

Ketchup or Tabasco? On your scrambled eggs. Do you want something some people consider a vegetable or do you want to go with something a little more daring? You thought I left, didn't you?

Carol

No, I didn't.

Doug

Yes, you did.

Carol

No, really, I didn't. Okay, I did. But you kind of did leave technically.

Doug

Well that doesn't count. If you had gotten up a little earlier you would have seen me here sound asleep.

Carol

Some habits die hard.

Doug

You sleeping in.

Carol

Like you not being here in the morning.

Doug

That's an old habit!

Doug

I've got to talk to you about something

Carol

Oh, Doug. Not another serious conversation.

Doug

You used to say we didn't communicate, so --

Carol

I know, but now you're communicating a little bit too much.

Doug

I know, but this is important. Can I have a drawer?

Carol

[laughs] What?

Doug

A drawer. Something you keep your clothes in. Something that I would keep my clothes in.

Carol

You never wanted a drawer before.

Doug

Well, that's because I always got up and left. If I'm going to stay here, I thought about maybe having some place to keep one shirt and a nice pair of socks. I'd settle for underwear.

Carol

You know, you could always wash your boxers in the sink and drive by in the morning.

Doug

I love sitting out here on the porch with you. It's --

Carol

Something new.

Doug

Something new.