When I was 8, I found this book in my parents' bedroom: Sex and the Christian Marriage. And the very first page, it said, "Orgasms bring a couple closer to God." So that night at the dinner table, I asked my parents what an orgasm was.
An orgasm is a very special kind of prayer. Which is fine, and actually kind of sweet. But like, later that week, I had my first sleepover at a friend's house, so her mom asked me what my bedtime routine is, and I said "Bath, tooth brushing, orgasm, sleep."
What kind of creepy loser hangs out in the break room all night, second-guessing the Attendings when he's not even on the schedule? I don't know if I'm being Punk'd, or if you haze all new Attendings this way, but I don't need you double-checking my work. The only reason I am here is to make some extra cash for a surf trip. Come December, I am gone. So you can stop worrying that I'm after your job, or your promotion, or whatever you and your micropenis are so afraid of.
MMorris
Hi. Archie Morris. I have no idea who you are or what you're talking about. Gotta bounce. You good?
I hooked myself up with a tight, little sex machine. Energy-efficient to the tune of 40-plus miles per gallon, and draws babes to Archie like bees to honey.
Well, I could tell you that, but then I'd have to kill you. She asked me to relay the following: Archie, thank you for a wonderful night. It was great, but please stop calling. And don't ever call again. Ever. Harold, thank you for a wonderful night. It was great, but please stop calling. And don't ever call again. Ever. So, there you go. And I'd very much appreciate it if we never speak of this again. Ever.
E.R. · 1,278 quotes
