When I was 8, I found this book in my parents' bedroom: Sex and the Christian Marriage. And the very first page, it said, "Orgasms bring a couple closer to God." So that night at the dinner table, I asked my parents what an orgasm was.
What did they say?
An orgasm is a very special kind of prayer. Which is fine, and actually kind of sweet. But like, later that week, I had my first sleepover at a friend's house, so her mom asked me what my bedtime routine is, and I said "Bath, tooth brushing, orgasm, sleep."
You did not!
I did! I was never invited back.
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