Carol Hathaway quotes from E.R.

Jerry

[about Mark] Do you think he's lost his grip on reality?

Carol

No, I think he's having fun.

Carol

Dopamine? Do you want Dopamine?

Carter

I don't know. I don't know. Somebody call a doctor!

Carol

You are the doctor.

Susan

Do you even know how to drive a motorcycle?

Carol

It's just like a big moped, right?

Susan

I guess...

Carol

Mark, Doug lives his own life.

Mark

That's kind of the problem.

Carol

I'm just saying we can't live it for him.

Doug

You know what? I'm not going to say anything about that physics book.

Carol

Oh, God, it was probably a stupid idea anyway.

Doug

Hey, if that's what you want to do... If I can make it, anyone can.

Carol

Thanks.

Carol

[about Mark & Susan] I wish you guys would just get married.

Mark

What?

Carol

You're perfect for each other. You almost went on a vacation together.

Mark

You knew about that?

Carol

Mark, everybody knew about that.

Carol

Mark, what are you doing?

Mark

You see what I see?

Carol

Susan's talking to Morgenstern. So what?

Mark

He's stroking himself, puffing out his chest, just like a Slender-Billed... something-or-other. She's giving him full-frontal neck.

Carol

What are you talking about?

Mark

You'd know if you were a nuthatch.

Carol

Mark, you okay?

Mark

She turned me down.

Carol

Susan?

Mark

Now I know why. Oh God, she's stroking her neck.

Carol

So?

Mark

So why doesn't she just bend over and shake her tail feathers right in his face?

Mark

She and Morgenstern are going out. I can handle that. What bothers me is that she didn't tell me.

Carol

If I were going out with Morgenstern, I wouldn't tell anybody.

It was an honest mistake, a mix up.

Carol

It was the most incompetent, horrifying thing I've ever seen. And because you didn't ice the foot, they can't reattach it.

Please, don't write me up.

Carol

Are you kidding? If anyone deserves to be written up, it's you.

Alright. Go ahead. Do their dirty work for 'em. That's just what they want.

Carol

Whose dirty work?

[Closes the door] Hospital administration. I'm nine months away from getting my maximum pension and they're trying to force me out. That's why they keep floating me down here where I don't know what I'm doing.

Carol

You're right. You don't know what you're doing.

They want to get rid of people like me and replace 'em with cheaper, less experienced aides.

Carol

If they know the difference between a football and a foot, I'll take them.

I am not gonna let you put me through the humiliation of a review board. Not after 22 years.

Carol

Watch me.

[Snatches the write up] Don't bother. [Rips the form] I quit.

Carol

Have you seen Mark? Is he okay?

Doug

Put it this way, he called a staff meeting.

Carol

Mark Greene?

Doug

Yep.

Carol

Glasses? Receding hair line? Broken heart?

Doug

That's the one.

Doug

So, Natalie, you get a lot of ear infections, do you?

Can you just give me the Amoxicillin? I have a playdate.

You don't need to look! Just give me the antibiotic! Augmentin will be just fine if you're worried about resistance!

Doug

You know a lot of things about a lot of things, don't you, Natalie?

Yes, I do.

Doug

So do you want to tell Nurse Hathaway about Coulomb's law?

Carol

Ah, that's the fundamental law of electrostatics, which states that the force between two charged particles is directly proportional to the product of their charges.

Doug

And inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them. Isn't that right, Natalie?

Doug

It looks like snow.

Carol

It smells like snow.

Doug

Carol, what does that mean?

Carol

You can smell snow coming. It has a smell.

Doug

It smells like burritos.

Carol

Look, what are we going to do about Mark?

Doug

Put him on a plane or have him killed.

Carol

I don't think I can take this much longer, you know? Maybe you should talk to him.

Doug

I talked to him once, he said he was okay. Ask him again, it gets a little weird.

Carol

Ohh, you'd be violating the guy code.

Doug

Guy code?

Carol

Yeah, of noncommunication.

Carol

[Trauma patient won't let go of a cooked goose] You gotta give me the goose now so we can attach an EKG to your chest.

You want me to give you my Christmas dinner? Uh uh, Miss Thing!

Carol

Give me the damn bird.

Well, where you gonna put it?

Carol

With the rest of your personal belongings.

Well, you better, 'cause I don't want to wake up and find you *pickin' your teeth*!

Haleh

We got a situation here.

Carol

Well, I spoke to Mary Cain and she says she doesn't know who leaked it.

Haleh

And you believed her?

Carol

Yeah, I did.

Haleh

We had an agreement on the table to protect current staffing levels and management just pulled it. They're gonna use this to renege on the whole contract.

Carol

I'm sorry to hear that.

Haleh

You had no idea they were gonna use this incident against us?

Carol

No, I didn't. What? You think I'm lying to you?

Haleh

I don't know anymore, Carol.

Carol

You and management can fight and scream and tear each other's hair out for all I care. I've got a patient.

Kerry

We've missed you around here.

Carol

I've missed it, too. I love my job, Kerry.

Kerry

I know.