Ari Gold quotes from Entourage

Still mad at me?

No, he's mad at Max now.

What'd he do?

He took a movie in Kazakhstan. [Ari gleefully makes victory gestures, but Mrs Ari sees him] I'm so glad our daughter's tears make you happy.

Baby, those tears mean our little girl is gonna stay our little girl for at least another day.

Awww, Ari.

Now, how about a quick blowjob before my Vince dinner? [A disgusted Mrs Ari walks inside]

Ari

People, staff meeting has been canceled. You will all have one goal today: to get Vincent Chase's brother, Johnny Chase, a job. [shows pic of Drama] Any job. I don't care if its a porn shoot in which he is being gang-raped by a gaggle of silverback apes, if there are cameras rolling, everybody wins. Ten grand to anyone that could deliver this to me today.

Lloyd

[after following Ari out of the conference room] Can I vie for the ten grand prize also, Ari?

Ari

Sure, but you'll get paid in yen. Now try E one more fucking time.

Ari

[upon seeing Babs] Hey Babs, the Traitorous Skanks Anonymous meeting is next door.

Let's talk.

Ari

Can't believe that you set me up after all I've done for you.

Ari, I need you to see your cards.

Ari

You've seen 'em.

How much do you need?

Ari

[flabbergasted] What?

Come on, I want to be partners.

Ari

Why?

Because I believe in you, and because I can't work with my ex-husband anymore.

Ari

No shot, this is my deal.

Ari, you have no money and I have too much.

Ari

So what do you want?

To fuck...Kidding. I want 60% of my name on top.

Ari

I'd rather fuck.

Fifty-five.

Ari

Forty-five.

Fifty-one.

Ari

Forty-nine.

Ari

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you...[raises Babs' left arm] MILLER-GOLD! Huh!!? [agents cheer; to Babs] We sound like a fucking beer.

Eric

Remember me?

Ari

One never forgets their first love, E.

Dana Gordon

I'm gonna tell you something that you swear it's not gonna come back to me.

Ari

As always, hand over heart. You know that.

Dana

Ari, please.

Ari

I swear.

Dana

Alan's not gonna make this movie. He bought it just to spite Vince, and he's gonna stick it in a drawer.

Ari

Jesus, he really is crazy.

Dana

Mm-hmm.

Ari

Why are you telling me this?

Dana

Because I hate working for him and I want out. And Ari, come on, I mean, I love this movie. I grew up on the Ramones, and I love it for Vince, so get me on as a producer.

Ari

How? It's Alan's movie.

Dana

No. Not yet it isn't. They're still negotiating Bob's perk package, so just make sure Bob doesn't sign those papers.

Ari

Dana, [kisses her forehead] I have NEVER cheated on my wife, not since she became my wife, but if you wanna jerk me right now in the car, I'm game.

Dana

[smiles] Rain check, Ari.

Ari

Vince, what are you doing?

Ari, I didn't need the whole dog-and-pony show. I really thought you were different from everyone else.

Ari

Vince, I am.

Ari, you do things your own way and you don't give a shit what we think about it.

Ari

I do give a shit. You should have seen me today begging and pleading to get that movie back, but it's gone. The past is the past, let's look to the future.

You're unreal. I mean, even after you fuck up like this, you can't even muster the strength to just, as my friend, look me in the face and say "I'm sorry."

Ari

That's all you wanted?

That's all I wanted.

Ari

Then I'm sorry, Vin.

It's too late.

Ari

Vince...

Ari, you're fired.

[to Turtle and Drama] Let's roll.

Ari

The Lakers game, the FUCKING Lakers game?!? Oh Jesus-the house that I built!

Lloyd

Maybe it was his birthday present.

Ari

You think? I put him on the court on Arbor Day and that's his present? Gosh, she's so fucking wrong for him?

You know the old saying, "Fuck Chinese and you're horny again half an hour later" - [Lloyd slaps him to the shock of a nearby crowd]

Lloyd

I'm an American of Chinese descent [pokes Jay] and you are what, Jay? Just another overweight hack TV writer! [leaves with Ari]

Ari

[on the way out] Remind me not to get on your bad side, Lloyd.

Lloyd

Ari Gold, you could never.

Everybody stop. I didn't go to the Lakers game because they're playing the fucking Bobcats. And I came here today because I thought this was a session on how my wife could learn to communicate. How to answer a question without a question. Basic Humanity 101. Which, I thought, given your wall of fucking diplomas, you could easily fix. Or if you couldn't, you could give her a pill that would either fix it or make her a mute. But now, to turn around and gang up on me -- I have work to do. I have hundreds of clients to deal with and just so we're clear, I don't care about any of them. They're all just a number, like wife #1 and therapist #7. Good day.

You're really only our fifth.

Ari

Great work Rob, great work. See if you can read this. [writes GET THE FUCK OUT!!! on white board] You're fired, and in case your ears are fucked, [points the door] GET THE FUCK OUT!!! And the next person I see juggling, tap-dancing, or baton-twirling or doing any other circus-like tricks will join him, alright? One-strike policy applies, now get back to work! Goddamn, that felt good.

What happened, Ari?

Ari

Shock therapy, Babs. [to employee munching chocolate bar] Skip it Jeannie. [grabs bar]

This is wildly inappropriate coming to my shul, this day of all days, to discuss money. I have a bad enough reputation here after the hellish divorce I've just gone through.

Ari

At least you're at a place where you can meet a nice Jewish girl, Arthur. [Gatoff looks at him] Come on, we were at temple too. This is time sensitive, God would understand! We all have to take care of our own -

Ari, I have to go back inside.

Arthur, you said you'd meet Vince's quote.

You said his quote was three.

I was wrong.

You and your father have been wrong about a lot of things on this one, Nick. Maybe animation is more your bag.

Wow, cut the Rubensteins like that, on the high holiday...

I'm sorry, forgive me.

Arthur, I forgive you, but just make a quick phone a call it'll take a second, but -

Nick, I don't know what goes on at that half-church reform synagogue of yours, but here, we don't talk business on Yom Kippur. Now please, before I get angry... [leaves]

[having checked out the backseat] Jesus Christ, the valet probably stole it.

Don't be racist.

Valets steal shit, alright? Just because they're mostly Hispanic, doesn't make a racist. You know what happens if this gets out? If someone puts Night's new ending on the Internet, MY LIFE IS OVER!

Nobody's gonna know you did it.

Yes they will, because Night, that little sick fuck, printed my name [pounds roof with every word] on every fucking page!

Ari

How is the most fuckable president of production in town?

Dana

Ari, get the fuck out.

Ari

Brought Cristal and Sprinkles cupcakes.. Your favorite. Or is it mine? What's the difference, we used to eat everything off each other anyway.

Ari

Get out of here, Glenn.

Where do you want me to go?

Ari

Anywhere but here or I will kill you.

What is the meaning of this?

Ari

Well, there's something that I needed, that I'd like to say to you.

Something different than what you muttered at me under your breath this morning?

Ari

You heard that?

What do you want, Mr. Gold?

Ari

Just a moment of your time so that I can say to you that through this process, I have learned from you, Mr. Preston. You are an educator and you've educated me about being a man, about being a father, and I know that you can't be bought. I tried. I know that you can't be blackmailed because you're too perfect, but I guess I want to know, can you be compassionate? Because I am coming to you, hat in hand, to ask you - to beg you - to let my son have a proper education. And don't make him suffer because he has a way too aggressive father that won't shut up on the soccer field. Okay? Please, sir, please.

Look at you. Did you ever think given your high-power status, that you'd ever be reduced to begging and pleading?

Ari

No sir, I didn't. I didn't.

I suppose there's a first time for everything. I myself never asked anybody for anything until now.

Ari

Is there something you need? [sits down with Preston]

I have a son, a special boy, who works in the mail room at Abrams. I think he can do better.

Ari

How special? 'Cause, I love special. Half my lit department has an IQ under 65. So, why don't you tell your boy, that come Monday, he's got a desk, in a real agency with a real salary. All right? The things that we do for our children, huh?

You tell Jonah, I'm looking forward to his first day, at Briar Country Day - [points finger at Ari before going back inside house] But I still don't want to see you at any soccer games. [Ari laughs]

Ari

[contemplating outcome] I love this town!