Ari Gold quotes from Entourage

Eric

Eric Murphy.

Ari

Like the new office number E? You know, it spells 274-COCK.

Eric

It does not!

Ari

No, it doesn't, but I made you look!

He fucked my wife, Ari.

Ari Gold

No, he did not. [stammers, to Jeff] You did? You fucked his wife? [Jeff nods] As you?

What?

Ari

Did you pretend to be him [gestures to Jim] or did she actually fuck you thinking you were you?

[To Ari] You think this is funny?

Ari

No, I think this is disgusting!

Lloyd

I have Dana Gordon.

Ari

[during push-ups] Weird, huh? I used to do push-ups like this on top of Dana Gordon. True story.

I'm sorry okay, I get jealous.

You're possessive. I don't want an apology for that!

What...for what, then?

For... for telling me that I'm old and that I wouldn't photograph in Hi-Def.

It's a legitimate concern. Look, I just didn't want you doing it alright, I like the way things are. I don't want you on television - I don't want some 19-year-old kissing the lips I'm supposed to be kissing, alright? Listen, if you want to go and be a soap whore everyday, just do it knowing that you make your husband miserable.

[sits near him] You think I want to do it, Ari? I gave up acting to have a family and I have never ever regretted it. I like the way things are. Just wanted [hits Ari] one day of stupid fun..

With Julio down at the schoolyard.

Well, if I'm so old and ugly, why do you even care?

Well some guys are into that -

[stands up and towers over him] Tell me that I'm sexy Ari.

You are the beautiful mother of my children [kisses Mrs Ari] and I respect you. [continues kissing]

Oh Julio...JULIO!!

You little fucking slut!! [beds Mrs Ari]

I'm gonna tear your head off, Ari.

Ari Gold

Please don't, because I have [shows script] your summer movie. [begins to explain script] From the director of Medellin and Queens Boulevard comes Silo. It is the story of a group of non-unionized farm hands who band together to survive a nuclear attack after discovering an underground society. It is ready to shoot, Billy Walsh is on board, Vinnie Chase is on board, and if you're not, Fox, Universal, and Sony are.

Dana Gordon

He's bluffing.

What's it matter? There's a summer movie in there, we pack up our shit and go home.

Lloyd

You said that if you're wife didn't go to Cannes, that I could.

Ari

When did I say that?

Lloyd

When you said it wasn't time for me to get promoted yet.

Ari

You know what, Lloyd? I'm in the middle of a code red alert. I got military police everywhere, German shepherds ready to attack at a moment's notice, I'm facing three-hour delays and an uncertain, unsafe future. So get off my ass and go get my wife some favorite flowers!

Dana Gordon

Thanks for not selling me this movie Ari, it's the one nicest thing you've ever done for me. [to Yair Marx, whose beside Ari] Congratulations Yair, I hear it's all yours.

I didn't sign anything.

Ari

What are you talking about?

That's the worst piece of shit I've ever seen!

Ari

Yair, we had a deal.

Sue me, my company's based out of Dubai. [puts on shades] Good luck.

Gordon

I'm sorry, Vince.

Billy Walsh

[in front of screen] Hey! Where the fuck are you French faggots going!?? Show some respect! Go below the line people, and watch the credit! What, no Q and A?

[sits beside Ari] It ain't easy making a movie.

Ari

You come to gloat now Harvey?

No, no. I just came to say that E was right, there's genius in this.

Ari

You want to buy it?

I do - for one dollar.

Ari

Attention everyone please! Listen up! No one mentions Richard Roeper again. Not today, not ever. By doing so, you are simply announcing that on Sunday night instead of doing your job, reading scripts, you're watching TV. The NEXT PERSON to mention Richard Roeper will be fired [annoyed with phone at Lloyd's desk] and Lloyd, you will also be fired if you don't answer THE FUCKING PHONE!!!

Lloyd

[answers phone] Ari Gold's office?

[talks to Ari on the way back to his office] I liked Medellin, Ari-

Ari

Then you're a fucking idiot.

One bad movie and this is what happens? I mean, was I really that awful?

Ari

Straight up, Vinnie... the movie was awful, and yes, you were awful in it, but one bad movie could be overcome. Look at Colin Farrell, he's overcome dozens of 'em, 'cause the perception of him is, he's a movie star.

And what's the perception of me?

Ari

That you don't give a fuck! You refuse to play the game, you refuse to be a part of the process. The great ones? Even if they don't care, they pretend they do.

[sits down] Do you think I'm a good actor, Ari?

Ari

I did not sign you in the first place because I thought you could act. I signed you because I thought you were a movie star and you haven't acted like one in a long time.

I'm ready to play the game Ari, whatever you say.

Ari

That's a good start.

[stands up] But I'm not willing to wait. I want you to send me into every person in this town who's willing to meet me. I don't care if I waste my time. I will charm the fuck out of every last one of them - filmmakers, studio execs, all of them. I will change their perception.

Ari

Like the fire!! [high-fives Vince as he leaves room]

[turns to Ari] You don't believe I'm a good actor?

Ari

It remains to be seen, but Vin, I'm starting to believe you're a movie star again, [calls out to Vince as he gets out] and you know what? This town loves a comeback, and since Britney fucked hers up, it's all you!!

Mr Gold, if you cooperate, we'll make this as pleasant an experience as we can for you.

Ari Gold

Wait a minute. What is this, who are you guys?

BHPD, Boner Patrol. [The officers take off their clothes and start dancing around Ari]

Ari

Oh come on.

You're about to get your stiff inspected.

Oh my God.

Ari

Lloyd, LLOOOOYD!!! [colleagues in and out of the conference room start laughing]

[stands up and leaves] I'm out of here, Ari.

Ari

Hold on, TI!

Call me when you're done with your entertainment.

Ari

Lloyd, you speak their language, MAKE IT STOP!

Lloyd

It'll be over soon Ari, just close your eyes, and think of pussy!

Ari

Small people think small, so I can't totally blame you for that. But anyone with half a sense of the business would have read it and known, okay, you got a script that's well-written about the greatest fire in Oregon history for 90 pages and you never see it. Live inside that fire for 50 pages, boom, home run.

Now it's Ed Norton's home run, you jerk-off.

Ari

Well, did they sell the script, you cunt face?

Not yet, dick head.

Ari

Then it's still free, you overpaid undersized bitch.

You want a go? Seriously, let's just go right here.

Eric

Wow, golf on a Wednesday, huh, Ari? In the next life I wanna come back as you.

Ari

I wish I could return the compliment, E. But I'd rather come back as one of Michael Vick's dogs.

Ari Gold

I can see that you're saving money by flying private again.

Vincent Chase

Not our dime. It's theirs. [gestures to Dolce and Gabbana models]

Ari

Nice dime.

Where you headed?

Ari

We're going to Geneva. That's Alan's boss right there. [points to John Ellis boarding the plane]

Yeah?

Ari

Yeah!

Ah, you're going to Geneva for me? [Notices Ari speechless] Something wrong?

Ari

Yeah. Listen, Vinnie, um, you're the only one in this town that I'm telling this to - I'm in a position where I can get you any job that we want for the rest of your career.

How so?

Ari

They're offering me Alan's position. They want me to run the studio.

Wow.

Ari

It just came out of the blue. What do you think?

Ah I, I think I'd like us to finish what we started together, but...I think you gotta do what you gotta do, right?

Ari Gold

Not bitter huh?

Fuck you, Ari. You can kiss your relationship with that studio goodbye.

Ari

No, [points to Amanda] you can kiss your motherfucking dream job goodbye, 'cause you're right. I didn't want this job, but now I'm gonna take it just to spite you! [goes out of room and calls Lloyd] Lloyd. Yeah, call John Ellis. Tell him I'm gonna close this motherfucking deal.

Lloyd

What are those?

Ari

His books. Company books. Gave 'm to me to prove that he can pay me back.... What am I doing? You're Asian, you're supposed to be good with numbers. Figure out if he has any shot at paying me back, because if he doesn't, you will!