Ed Season 3 quotes

Warren

[examining prophylactics with Mark] Imagine something this ornate coming at you.

Carol

[on Ed's gift of a tuning fork] It's time for me to get 'back in tune'. Isn't that so clever it just makes you sick!? When it comes to hackneyed freshman comp symbolism, no one does it like Edward Stevens!

Shirley

[planning how to get Ed and Carol together] We could slip them a mickey. I don't know what exactly a mickey is, but I do know you slip them to people.

Ed

I'm going to proceed to pummel Mike with my bare fists till the soul rises from his body, then I'm going to grab his soul by the neck and start giving it open handed slaps-

Eli

[to Ed] You ain't gonna fire no brother in a wheelchair!

Phil

Or a very, very light skinned brother who's allergic to cat dander.

Ed

Carol, in my opinion, you and I have only one problem and that problem is you're in love with me but you're too afraid to admit it to yourself.

Carol

My honest opinion is you're in love with some ideal version of me that I can't possibly live up to.

[during his medical checkup with Mike] Far be it for me to criticize your bedside manner, but I do believe that was a sigh of despair you just heaved.

Mike

Mark, if you don't do something, and do it now, you're going to die.

Shirley

[complimenting Mark on his Santa] You inhabit the role with a breezy confidence.

Warren

[to Mark, about his health] What am I supposed to do, shut up and watch you kill yourself?

Lloyd Stevens

[to Ed] You like that I'm the screw up brother...You really don't like me, Ed, and that's ok, because I'm not that crazy about you either.

Nancy

[On Mike's preparations for the Recliner Rally] I love a man with ripped ankles.

Carol

[Still trying to convince Molly to apply to be principal] You have an opportunity to shine and you're terrified.

[To Phil, rejecting his proposed ad campaign] You're just not likeable.

Molly

[Sharing her philosophy of helping students] Kicking ass, doing nothing, and throwing frogs.

Shirley

[About drilling holes into bowling balls] Two are serviceable. One is an insult to the art form.