Ed quotes

While I pride myself in having a facile sense of humor, steeped in both satire and irony, I choose not to use it here.

Mike

[after Ed makes fun of his pants] Dockers kick ass, Ed.

Phil

I manage a bowling alley. It's my job to trade in dreams and illusions. Oh my child, you wouldn't understand...

Ed

Phil, get your hand off my face.

Ed

[sitting on a horse ride at a playground] Look at me everybody! I'm a cowboy! Yee haw!

Shirley

If this is the first annual party, how can you be taking it to the next level?

Warren

[on his pep rally plans] I'm gonna rock this hizzy!

Molly

[on accepting Jim`s invitation to join him at the Goat] I have the willpower of a lima bean.

Molly

After all, it's Friday and shouldn't we be thanking God for that?

Warren

[during his pep rally take-over] If you didn't come to party then take your shabby ass home, cuz Chezz-Cat is in the house!

Ed

Bear my children.

Carol

Would you settle for a Velamint?

Ed

Absolutely

[as he takes Molly to the home of defunct video games] This is where fun comes to die.

[on Mike`s assertion that his MD from Johns Hopkins is preparation enough for the practice] You aren't prepared to sell fish from the back of a truck, you slobbering moose!

Kenny

[trying to break the ice with Liz, Ed's ex] By the way, I would have cheated on him too.

Phil

[when Joe asks what he does] Don't try to pigeonhole me.

Warren

[on Abraham Lincoln`s wrestling career] He'd throw down his top hat and start kicking ass!