Donald Duck quotes from DuckTales (2017)

Donald

Wait... where's Dewey?! [about to rush off, only to see him sitting on the stairs]

Dewey

[bitter] Nope. Right here. Not stealing the boat. [puts on his life vest]

Donald

Oh.

Dewey

Yep. Back to the good ol' days. Woo-oo.

Donald

Everybody listen up! [unintelligible jabbering]

[beat] What?

Launchpad

Did anyone get any of that?

Huey

It's mostly just context clues.

Louie

We get like every third word.

Dewey

Nope. Completely unintelligible.

Donald

I'LL SHOW YOU UNINTELLIGIBLE!!!

Donald

[after Gyro forcefully gives him the voicebox] Hands off of me [voice is suddenly much clearer] you mad scientist! [beat]

Dewey

Whoa. He sounds so normal.

Donald

Rubber baby buggy bumpers, rubber baby buggy bumpers, rubber baby buggy bumpers! [chuckles] Wow! Never been able to say that before! [clears throat] As I was saying, Uncle Scrooge is in trouble, and it's up to us to help him. And adventure is in our blood! We face down perilous foes and endless danger every day, but we always prevail, because these Ducks don't back down!

Mrs. Beakley

Thank you, Donald. Now, we need to-

Donald

-stage a coordinated attack. Gyro, you and your team will charge the bridge to distract Magica's shadow forces. Launchpad. Head up the air attack to draw her attention. Do you think you can crash into the bin? All right, all right, all right. (clears throat) And Beakley, while the others are distracting Magica, you and I will sneak around back in my newly fixed-up houseboat.

Mrs. Beakley

Alright, just like when I led that uprising in Eagleslavia. I'll take the wheel, you-

Donald

Uh-uh! My house, my rules!

Mrs. Beakley

[impressed] Aye-aye... sir. [gives Donald a spear gun] Get ready for the storm.

Donald

I am the storm.

Mrs. Beakley

... Seriously, have you been saying things like that this whole time?

Scrooge

[whispering to Donald] If we lose, you're out of the will.

Donald

I was in the will?

Dewey

Oh, so that's why he picked Donald.

Webby

He spent 30 years guessing what Donald was saying, he must get good at non-verbal communication.

Beakley

Time!

Donald

It was a Mermanticore!

Scrooge

[offended] That was a Mermanticore?! THIS is a Mermanticore!

Beakley

Mr. McDuck and Donald scored 34.

Scrooge

[as his can-phone rings] Do not answer that. [sighs] That can is your Cousin Fethry calling from a top-secret deep-sea laboratory.

Dewey

Top secret?!

Huey

Deep-sea laboratory?!

Scrooge

Don't get too excited. Fethry's a bit... well, he's, uh...

Donald

He's cuckoo bananas.

Scrooge

Best to ignore it. Every time we get a call from Fethry, we rush down there just to go on some fool's errand wrapped up in a needlessly dangerous adventure. With rambling lectures...

Donald

And the explosions...

Scrooge

And avoiding that mega-tsunami...

Donald

And the explosions...

Scrooge

All to see a barnacle formation in the shape of a tractor or some such nonsense.

Donald

Big waste of time.

Huey

Breathe, just breathe.

Donald

I've done nothing with my life! I'm a failure!

Scrooge

Awww, that never bothered you before.

Huey

Uncle Donald, you're very successful! You raised three boys and a rich in love. Isn't that the true measure of success?

No!

Donald

Huey, you gotta help me!

Huey

Help you? Well, I have been looking to earn my improve theater merit badge… How about you play the part of someone successful?

Donald

Lie? Perfect!

Scrooge

Nonsense. You do what you want, but I will not help you lie to impress that band of braggartios.

Huey

If you blow up our cover, Jose will probably get mad and you'll have to pay for this trip yourself.

Scrooge

Donald, we have to lie to your friends, ya hear?!

Huey

Just keep it small and simple. Sorry, everyone. Uncle Donald had a, um, very important business call.

Donald

From McDuck Enterprises, my company. I'm a billionaire.

Panchito

The same Donald, who searched our couch cushions for corn chips, now owns McDuck Enterprises?

Huey

Yes… and, he's taking over the family business so Scrooge can retire.

Scrooge

Geh?

Donald

'Cause he's so old. Very, very old.

Donald

Why?! Why?! Why?!

Storkules

Why do our journeys cosmically intersect like Damon and Pythias?

Donald

No, why are you here?!

Storkules

Oh, Father Zeus grew agitated with my lute playing so he rained a hail of harpies upon my merriment causing much chaos in Maceduckia. As punishment for my childish gaiety, Father cast me out and ordered me to become a responsible adult. So I thought who better to teach me than the most responsible man I know.

Donald

Oh.

Donald

So, how long do you plan to stay?

Storkules

Why, until I become a responsible adult like you. Roommate responsibilities. What hallowed creed be this? Quiet hours from seven to six. Hmm, don't use my toothpaste. Uh-huh.

Donald

And pay the rent on time.

Storkules

Rent? Why I assumed I'd pay with good cheer and eternal friendship, oh hoy! "Friendship is not money." Hmm.

Donald

You need a job!

Storkules

By Helios's chariot, a job. That sounds most responsible.

Dewey

Della's not here. I think she was attacked. [Donald licks a tree with a red stain on it. Dewey exclaims in disgust]

Young Donald

Attacked by a case of the munchies. It's just jelly.

Dewey

What would you have done if it wasn't?

Donald

[mouth full of Oxy-Chew] I come in peace.

I'm sorry, what?

I literally have no idea what he said.

Sieze him.

Della

Donald?

Donald

Della?

[in unison] WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!

Della

If you were home when I got back, you'd know I was stuck on the moon which by the way, is invading us!

Donald

I know! I warned you!

Della

We didn't get a warning!

Dewey

[breaks them up] Stop yelling at each other! [strangles Donald by the beard; savagely] I could have been named Turbo! You owe me 11 years of Turbo!

Della

[picks Dewey up] Don't change the subject! Just because I missed you doesn't mean I'm not mad at you!

Donald

I missed you too, you big dummy!

Donald

Well, sounds like they're having a good time. Guess they won't be joining me for the family portrait.

I suppose they're just a little mad.

Donald

Is it too much to ask to have my family be like other families for once?

Donald, in my experience, the best photos are the ones that aren't all staged and purdy. Like this photo of me and Maxie on a roller coaster. I was terrified and almost lost my lunch, a-hyuck! Sure, it was scary. Sure I got stuck at the top of the loop-de-loop, and Max had to catch me and swing me into a cotton candy stand, but the park gave us free admission for life, and all the cotton candy we could eat. And Max and I made a memory. That's just who we are.

Donald

Is it so wrong to want to be normal?

I reckon every family has their own normal.

José

That's the fourth rich guy's bathroom we've been kicked out of.

Panchito

What are we doing wrong?

Donald

We just need someone to listen to us.

Louie

Oh. I'm listening. You wanna be famous?

Donald

Uh, sure.

Panchito

Absolutely!

José

More than anything!

Louie

And you're willing to do whatever I say at any cost whatsoever?