Mrs. Beakley quotes from DuckTales (2017)

Mrs. Beakley. How nice of you to return after abandoning your post. Thankfully, I was here to pick up your slack. Tell me, do you typically keep the house this shabby?

Mrs. Beakley

I preferred it when you were dead.

Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, let's start our bidding with the last page from the Great Book, a priceless artifact for medeival enthusiasts.

So, what's on it exactly?

Scrooge

Alchemy. Formulas for potions and elixirs. Legend has it that the high priests of Castle Dunwyn were mentored by mystical creatures from the nearby glen, creatures of untold powers.

Untold powers?

Scrooge

Yes, if you believe that sort of thing. FOWL seems to.

How do you know so much about all this?

Scrooge

Untold chaos, dark artifacts, a man has his hobbies.

Black Heron

Good afternoon, world leaders. This is Black Heron of FOWL. Regrets if you haven't heard of me, but I've gotten very well acquainted with your Agent 22. After meticulous-

My back molar is rigged with a distress signal. SHUSH will be coming for me, and you, Heron.

Black Heron

Excuse me?! I'm in the middle of filming my declaration of harmful intent. Where was I? [pulls out index cards] Oh yes! After meticulous, frankly ingenious planning, I have obtained history's greatest biological weapon. With the completed formula, I will breed an army of super-soldiers that will bounce to the highest peaks of corruption!

Scrooge

[enters the frame, laughing] Did you just say "bounce"?

Black Heron

Who is this? Is he with you?

Unfortunately.

Scrooge

You're making a bounce serum? The untold powers of the ancient creatures is bouncing?

Black Heron

Yes! There'll be bouncing here and there and everywhere! Mass destruction that's beyond compare! [Scrooge laughs] Stop laughing! I have wasted an entire reel of film, and you're not even entirely in frame!

Scrooge

I'm telling you, something is off in the mansion.

Mrs. Beakley

Mr. McDuck, I assure you, nothing strange is going on here.

Scrooge

Then how do you explain this? [pulls out his Number One Dime, showing the cord slightly cut] My Number One Dime has been tampered with.

Mrs. Beakley

But the filament is made from un-cuttable enchanted quadriamond. Anything that could cut it would-

Scrooge

Would have to be supernatural. Hmm. There's something afoot in this house, and I'm gonna find out what.

Launchpad

[setting up a lawn chair] Sorry, Mrs. B. Only chair I could find.

Mrs. Beakley

Seatbelts?

Launchpad

Oh... um... [puts a flotation ring around her] When we crash, it can be used as a flotation device.

Mrs. Beakley

When we crash?

Scrooge

Long time since you've been in the field, eh, Agent 22?

Mrs. Beakley

And this plane would have been dangerously outdated even then. I'm counting one, two, three... 14 safety violations.

Launchpad

Aw, come on. Every time the Sunchaser goes down, she always gets right back up in the air.

Mrs. Beakley

"Every time?" I allow the children to travel with you because I assume you're keeping them safe.

Scrooge

Ah, jengs. Launchpad, give the old bird, a tour of the old bird to show her there's nothing to worry about. I'll take the wheel-stick thingie.

Mrs. Beakley

Sorry, when did you learn to fly a massive cargo plane?

Scrooge

Please, I'm Scrooge McDuck. If Launchpad can do it, how hard can it be?

Launchpad

Not very!

Mrs. Beakley

We have to get out, and figure out how to get down.

Scrooge

And pass up the adventure of a lifetime?

Mrs. Beakley

And risk all our lives?

Scrooge

Ah, you're safe as houses. This is nothing! The plane could be on fire, or we could be on fire, or this could be a volcano! Everything could be on fire!

Dewey

[angry] Cool... so you're the reason our mom is gone!

Scrooge

[shocked] What? No! I..I--

Launchpad

[the plane begins to lean forward] Um, guys?

Dewey

You built her a crazy dangerous super rocket!

Scrooge

Which she stole early!

Huey

Then you encouraged her to keep flying through a cosmic storm? You could have called her down, there were too many variables!

Mrs. Beakley

Now boys, you don't know....

Louie

And you're the richest duck in the world! Why didn't you send up more ships to look for her?

Scrooge

[growing frustrated] I spared no expense!

Dewey

[coldly] Yeah, right. Cheap old Scrooge probably bailed as soon as it put a dent in his money bin.

Launchpad

[the plane leans further] Um, guys?

Webby

Take it easy Dewey, he may have a point. Even if gifting an experimental rocket to a mother of three was clearly a terrible idea!

Scrooge

This is a family matter! You are not family!

Mrs. Beakley

See here, McDuck. You will not speak to my granddaughter that way.

Scrooge

You will not speak to me that way! None of you! After everything I do for you, you're all nothing but trouble!

Webby

Isn't he gonna say goodbye?

Mrs. Beakley

We're taking those vacation days if that's alright with you... sir.

Scrooge

[bitterly] Fine.

Mrs. Beakley

[as Webby sadly leaves] Well, you've successfully pushed your family and everyone who cared about you away... again. I hope you're happy.

Louie

...you're the richest duck in the world! Why didn't you send up more ships to look for her?

Huey

Then you encouraged her to keep flying through a cosmic storm? ... You'd could have called her down, there were too many variables!

Dewey

...so you're the reason our mom is gone! ... Cheap old Scrooge probably bailed as soon as it put a dent in his money bin

Mrs. Beakley

Well, you've successfully pushed your family and everyone who cared about you away... again. I hope you're happy.

Scrooge

[tearing up] ...I am.

Mrs. Beakley

[presenting the boys with pie] Apple shortbread pie, with a scoop of sea salt ice cream. A common farewell dessert in certain parts.

Dewey

Finally, some real food.

Mrs. Beakley

[takes the pie away] Oh, I'm so sorry. This was Scrooge's favorite dessert. I don't want to remind you of that horrid man who lost your mother all those years ago, even if it was an accident that tore him up for ten years, propelling him into a desperate search attempt that left him broken, and nearly bankrupt.

Louie

Wait, bankrupt? Really?

Mrs. Beakley

But I understand. You're upset because you lost one family member, which was terrible and painful, so you decided you should go ahead and lose another. Brilliant. Makes perfect rational sense.

Dewey

[angry] Yeah. Nailed it, Mrs. B.

Mrs. Beakley

Yes. Distance yourself even further from his life and forsake family altogether. That will definitely fix it.

Launchpad

No! It'll do the opposite of that!

Mrs. Beakley

Perhaps it's worth considering that the reason Scrooge closed himself off was because the loss of Della was the hardest thing he'd ever faced. Harder than any adventure. It's not that he didn't care, it's that he cared about family more than anything in the world. And perhaps he still does. But I'm just the housekeeper. What do I know?

Launchpad

A LOT! THIS LADY KNOWS A LOT!

Donald

[after Gyro forcefully gives him the voicebox] Hands off of me [voice is suddenly much clearer] you mad scientist! [beat]

Dewey

Whoa. He sounds so normal.

Donald

Rubber baby buggy bumpers, rubber baby buggy bumpers, rubber baby buggy bumpers! [chuckles] Wow! Never been able to say that before! [clears throat] As I was saying, Uncle Scrooge is in trouble, and it's up to us to help him. And adventure is in our blood! We face down perilous foes and endless danger every day, but we always prevail, because these Ducks don't back down!

Mrs. Beakley

Thank you, Donald. Now, we need to-

Donald

-stage a coordinated attack. Gyro, you and your team will charge the bridge to distract Magica's shadow forces. Launchpad. Head up the air attack to draw her attention. Do you think you can crash into the bin? All right, all right, all right. (clears throat) And Beakley, while the others are distracting Magica, you and I will sneak around back in my newly fixed-up houseboat.

Mrs. Beakley

Alright, just like when I led that uprising in Eagleslavia. I'll take the wheel, you-

Donald

Uh-uh! My house, my rules!

Mrs. Beakley

[impressed] Aye-aye... sir. [gives Donald a spear gun] Get ready for the storm.

Donald

I am the storm.

Mrs. Beakley

... Seriously, have you been saying things like that this whole time?