You know, Mike barely remembers me. What makes you so sure he would fall in love with me again?
What a perfectly asinine question. How could he not?
S3The Miracle Song
Yep. Go ahead, say it. I know you want to.
This is all your fault. You should've listened to me.
Lynette': I know. But be fair. There is no way I could've anticipated this.
You tell people Frankenstein's on the loose, then you're surprised to see the torch-wielding villagers?
Where are you sending me?
Oh, we've rented you a condo in a lovely retirement community. It's our Christmas gift to you.
So you're exiling me? Cutting me off from my new grandchildren?
That's our gift to them.
AArt
Hey. You know, in a weird way...I should thank you. My sister was...a really wonderful person. She always saw the best in me. But there were things she couldn't see...or chose not to, God love her.
What do you mean?
AArt
I think you know. See, I always knew that I had to take care of Rebecca, so I could never let myself...slip and do something that would hurt her. But now...I'm free...and all because of you.
You can't stay here.
AArt
Oh, don't worry. I'm already packed.
"Where are you going?"
AArt
Why, you gonna write? Well, goodbye, Lynette. You take care of that beautiful family of yours.
There's a reason people can't wait for Christmas, and it has little to do with family reunions or curling up with a cup of eggnog or that unexpected kiss beneath the mistletoe or receiving a present from that special someone. No, people look forward to Christmas because they know it's a time for miracles.
S3No Fits, No Fights, No Feuds
[Lynette is giving dinner to the kids, Kayla walks over toward the TV with hers]
Kayla, where are you going?
KKayla
To watch TV.
Oh, sweetie, we don't watch TV during dinner.
KKayla
But my show is on.
Well, I'm sorry, those are the rules.
KKayla
My mommy let me.
Just this once.
[The twins give Lynette 'What gives?' looks, Parker crosses his arms]
Ok, ok, I know what you're thinking, but Kayla's going through a hard time right now, come and sit down. Letting her watch TV is like me letting you eat ice cream when you're sick.
But she's not sick.
That's true, but she's sad.
I'm sad, I can't watch TV!
Eat your tacos.
[Kids give each other looks of agreement and get up to go over to the TV] Wow, wow, wow, sit your butts down.
It's not fair.
I don't care, we have rules.
Well she gets to!
She's special, now sit down! Come on.
Does she get dessert too?
Kayla: Of course I do.
[Tom pulls up in the van bringing Kayla to live with them] Ok, they're here, now listen,
[to Parker] stand up. Kayla has been through a lot so when she walks through the door I want you to make her feel welcome, ok, give her a hug and be really nice.
I'm giving her my room, how much nicer do I have to be?
Well nicer than that or she's gonna get all your toys too!
S3Not While I'm Around
Okay, so if this guy shows up again, what am I supposed to do, exactly?
Nothing. Just having you helps.
Now that's very sweet.
Because when he breaks in and starts hacking you up with his machete, your screams will wake me up, and then I'll be able to escape.
AAustin
That's your advice?
Well, I’m sorry. I've never been good at getting people not to have sex.
The responsible thing is to abstain from sex and focus on your studies. There, I said it out loud just in case anybody asks.
Wait, wait, wait. First rule of ransacking: remember where everything goes.
[Takes three pictures with her camera phone.]
You are gonna make a really good mother someday.
(Susan and Gabrielle search for Julie's diary)
Oh, and when you find it, you have to read it, because I promised her that I would always respect her privacy. Now help me flip this mattress.
Susan (to Edie, about Julie): Now she's lying and scheming and having casual sex. She's just a boob job away from being you!
S3Come Play Wiz Me
[Bree has found Alma and a passed out Orson in bed together, along with sleeping pills and Viagra]
You raped my husband!
AHAlma Hodge
We made love. And when our baby is born, he's going to come back to me.
Baby?
AHAlma Hodge
It's true. I could be expecting right now.
Were you expecting this?
[Bree decks Alma before she calls her house]
Andrew, I need you to come over right away. And, um...
[pause]
...bring the wheelbarrow.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Desperate Housewives pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.