Ian quotes from Desperate Housewives

Ian

While you're in a good mood, I thought I'd spring something on you. My parents are coming to town.

Susan

Your parents? Really?

Ian

And I wondered if you might be free to join us for dinner Saturday.

Susan

Absolutely. So I assume this means they know about me?

Ian

But of course.

Susan

And they know about me as in (in a bad English accent) "Mum, Dad, bloody good news. I've got myself a smashing new girlfriend."

Ian

That's adorable. Please don't do it in front of them.

Susan

Ian, haven't you ever wondered why I've never cooked for you?

Ian

I just assumed that you were lazy.

Susan

I wish. My cooking is not good.

Ian

Well, my parents won't be expecting a gourmet meal.

Susan

Will they be expecting stomach cramps, acid reflux, night sweats?

Ian

Now nothing elaborate. Just a simple roast and, uh, and something appropriate to go with it.

Susan

Right...like an ambulance.

Ian

Well, you, uh, you may not be a good cook but you're certainly a tidy one.

Susan

Don't worry. Dinner's all taken care of. We're having blanquette de veau and a grand marnier soufflé.

Ian

Well, that's very ambitious of you, and, uh, when will Bree be done making it?

Susan

Five-thirty. But I am rewarming it all by myself.

Susan

You know, Mike barely remembers me. What makes you so sure he would fall in love with me again?

Ian

What a perfectly asinine question. How could he not?