Desperate Housewives · Season 3
Ian, haven't you ever wondered why I've never cooked for you?
I just assumed that you were lazy.
I wish. My cooking is not good.
Well, my parents won't be expecting a gourmet meal.
Will they be expecting stomach cramps, acid reflux, night sweats?
Now nothing elaborate. Just a simple roast and, uh, and something appropriate to go with it.
Right...like an ambulance.
Poor thing, she tries so hard.
Yeah, she's a trooper. Let's dump her.
How will I tell her family?
We'll do it together. We'll be very diplomatic.
Are you sure about this? The poor kid's been through the wringer and—
Amy! For God sakes, Little Miss Snowflake does not scratch down there!
Well, then again, her mother died a year ago. How long is she gonna milk it?
What are you watching?
Home movies.
It's fun looking back at the past, isn't it?
Well, it's one way to kill time while you're waiting for death.
We also have cable.
It's not that easy. I love him.
You'll get over it. I did.
So I'm cooking dinner for Ian's parents tomorrow night, and it's the first time I'm meeting them, so I sort of wanna impress them.
And yet you're cooking?
What's going on?
They just arrested Mike for murder.
What?!
"They're saying he killed that woman on the news, that Monique person."
Oh, thank God!
Well, when it comes to performing, she's not exactly...well, she tends to be...feel free to jump in.
I have no idea where you're going with this.
Well, as Gaby and I discussed, Amy has certain limitations and her odds of winning are slim.
Vern! He is so competitive. I constantly have to remind him they're just kids. When did you lose the joy?
Oh, I think you know.
I don't know if you picked up on this, Mike, but...I haven't been happy.
No, I didn't pick up on it.
Well, I wanted to tell you this weeks ago, and I wish that I had, because now I know you're gonna think that I'm breaking up with you over this whole blood on the ax thing.
Wrench.
Whatever. But believe me, that's not it. It's just...we are moving too fast.
What are you trying to say?
Well, maybe we should just take a break. You know, date other people.
You're telling me this on the day I'm put in a men's prison?
Well, I said the timing was bad. I am sorry. I, I really am. I just can't do this.
Is Edie getting you a good lawyer?
I doubt it. She dumped me today.
What? Why?
Well, I was arrested for murder.
Still. It's tacky.
Well, you, uh, you may not be a good cook but you're certainly a tidy one.
Don't worry. Dinner's all taken care of. We're having blanquette de veau and a grand marnier soufflé.
Well, that's very ambitious of you, and, uh, when will Bree be done making it?
Five-thirty. But I am rewarming it all by myself.
What are you saying? You think Mike is guilty?
Hey, why don't we start that girl talk?"
I'll get the ball rolling. Anybody have a yeast infection?
They found Monique's blood on the wrench that Mike was trying to dispose of. I mean, that hardly screams innocence.
Her teeth were pulled. You don't think that's worth telling the cops she was messing around with a dentist?
If you're so sure that Orson is innocent, why don't we go through his things? Where's his desk?
At his office. And what did you think you'd find there anyway?
I don't know. A blackmail letter, a necklace made of teeth?
Well, I am certainly not playing with a woman that is willing to let Mike take the fall for her psycho husband.
Well, needless to say, I won't be cooking dinner for Ian's parents.
Fine. I'll cook myself.
Good. Let me know if there are any survivors.
And if you take Orson back, you do the same.
Rita, I want the word "pedophile" to really stand out. Do we have any glitter?
Say "molester." It sounds scarier.
Well, she's your best friend. Why don't you just tell her the truth? She'll understand.
What if she doesn't?
Well, friends come and go, but a crown is forever.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Desperate Housewives pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
