Mary QuinnAch, this is lovely, Gerry.
I thought it’d be nice for us to do something together, just the two of us, you know?
(arriving to see them) Mary! Gerry! You’re not allowed to smoke in this place. Can you believe that? It’s barbaric.
Sarah, what are you doing here?
Mary said you were having a wee night to yourselves, so I thought you might want some company.
Why? W-why would you think that?
Himself as well, is it? Great(!)
Mary Quinn
Sweet Jesus.
CCiaran
Hiya, how are ye?
They don’t let you smoke in here, Ciaran. Can you credit it?
CCiaran
This is a nice surprise. When Sarah asked me to the cinema, I thought, well, I thought she meant just the two of us.
No, Ciaran, because that would be… What’s the word now? Normal.
CCiaran
Double date it is, then, so.
Wonder what’s keeping daddy. (She goes to see Granda Joe)
Mary Quinn
We haven’t decided what we want to see yet, Da!
Well, I liked the look of that one with all the lads in the line-up. It’s got your man in it, the farmer from glenroe.
Mary Quinn
What, Gabriel Byrne?
CCiaran
He’s done a fair bit since glenroe now.
(to Ciaran) Who are you? His agent?
Mary Quinn
Da, I don’t understand this. You hate the cinema.
Not since I discovered it’s the only way I can spend time with our colm. It’s the one place the boring bastard doesn’t talk.
Mary Quinn
But colm’s not here, is he, Da? (Granda Joe doesn’t answer) Da?
And that’s not to say, now, that in my younger years, I didn’t enjoy a boiled sweet. But then I heard tell of a fella from Ballynahinch-- What was it his name was, now? I had it there a minute ago. Ach, it’ll come to me. Anyway, this Ballynahinch lad, and, as I say, his name escapes me, but he was mad keen on the boiled sweets. Sure he couldn’t get enough of them. But in the end, well, didn’t he choke to death on one? A pear drop, I think it was. Or a clove rock, maybe. But either way, it’s not how I’d want to go.
Mary Quinn
I know, love. I know.
Wise up, Mammy! As if a polar bear’s going to rock up at a Take That concert!
He wouldn’t get a ticket, for a start. They sold out months ago.
Mary Quinn
You’d be surprised, girls.
Aye, thon boys will get in where draughts wouldn’t.
Sure, the concert’s nowhere near the zoo.
But he’s not in the zoo anymore, is he, Simple Simon? He’s sauntering about Belfast without a care in the world.
What I’m saying is that it would be quite a lot of ground for him to cover.
Mary Quinn
They’re quick on their feet when they wanna be, love.
Someone might give him a lift.
Whose side are you on, Orla?
Come on, Mary. If you don’t let Erin go, then our mas won’t let us go.
Mary Quinn
Well, neither they should, and I’ll be ringing them to say as much.
Mary Quinn
Look, girls, I know how much you were looking forward to seeing This and That.
Mary Quinn
But there’ll be other concerts.
No there won’t. The fact that this one’s happening is a miracle. Nobody good ever comes here ‘cause we keep killing each other.
And now we’re overrun with polar bears.
Mary Quinn
I just cannot believe it.
Listen, Mary. no matter what you’ve done, you’re still my sister. I’ll stand by you.
Mary Quinn
I haven’t done anything, Sarah.
Exactly, love. Everybody knows you didn’t mean to kill the old boot. God rest her soul.
Mary Quinn
I didn’t kill her.
You know what I mean. Not kill. Hex.
Mary Quinn
I didn’t hex her either, Da. It was just a very tragic--
My mother, she had the gift too, you know. By God, that woman could make her enemies drop like flies.
Mary Quinn
Look, I don’t have any gift. There’s no dark forces at play here. I just said something unfortunate that happened to--
Mary Quinn
Coincide with her death.
Right, well, that’s the dishes done. Would you like another cup of tea there, Mammy?
Mary Quinn
No, I’m fine.
I’ll just grab the Hoover, give the stairs a bit of a going over.
And I’ll maybe do a bit of dusting.
Mary Quinn
What’s gotten into you two. What are you up to? What do you want?
Nothing. We just thought that we should pull over weight a bit more, Mammy.
You do so much for us, Aunt Mary.
You deserve a bit of a break.
Mary Quinn
I can’t hex people, girls. It was an accident.
So, how’s the wicked witch of the northwest?
Who put 50p in the eejit?
Mary Quinn
God, how am I going to go to this wake?
It’ll be grand, love. But, listen, say if things do get heated, try not to rise to it. The last thing we want is another dead body on our hands here.
Mary Quinn
I’ll do my best, Da.
This is a huge deal. This is a massive, massive deal. I’m going to the prom with John Paul O’Reily, for God’s sake. Oh, come on, Mammy.
Mary Quinn
I don’t care if you’re going to the prom with John Paul II, Erin. I’m not buying you another frock. End of story.
But, Mammy, you don’t understand.
Mary Quinn
There’s nothing wrong with your Easter dress.
There is lots of things wrong with my Easter dress.
Mary Quinn
I mean, it matches Orla’s.
Honestly, Erin, I think we’ll look so cracker if we both rock in wearing these.
Och, Mary, you’d think the wean’s been dropped into it. You wouldn’t nip in a bit for her? I’d do it myself but sewing plays havoc with my acrylics.
Mary Quinn
Fine.
I really like this fella, Mammy.
Mary Quinn
Well, if he really likes you, it won’t matter what you wear.
Have you a date lined up, Orla?
What? With, like, a human?
MOMan on TV
This document is an insult to the majority of people of Northern Ireland!
All right, Ian, we get the idea, like.
What are you futtering at?
The picture’s just gone a bit, sort of…
You have to give it a bit of a shock now and again. (He hits the TV again) You have to keep it on its toes.
I’m not sure you do have to keep it on its toes, Joe. It’s a television.
Okay, okay, okay! I’m just going to turn it off and turn it on again. That usually does the trick. (He turns the TV off and on again) There we go. Hm? It doesn’t seem to be anything happening now.
This stupid prick’s broken the TV, Mary!
Mary Quinn
For God’s sake, Gerry.
Excuse me. You’re the one that was thumping it repeatedly, Joe.
I’ll thump you repeatedly!
Mary Quinn
Well, the pair of you better sort it out. London’s Burning’s on in 20 minutes.
God, Mary, but them poor fellas are flat out with fires, so they are. Jesus, but they never get a minute.
Mary Quinn
Aye, it’s a good job they keep themselves in such great shape.
Aw, don’t, Mary. That Greek fella…
Mary Quinn
He could throw me over his shoulder any day of the week.
Mary Quinn
When JFK came to Dublin, Uncle Colm met him, and Daddy didn’t.
Things are gonna be different this time, I tell you.
JFK spoke to Colm? Christ, that man didn’t have much luck, did he?
GGabriel
(Off-screen) Come on, Mary.
Mary Quinn
(Off-screen) I can’t, Gabriel.
GGabriel
(Off-screen) No one needs to find out.
Mary Quinn
(Off-screen) No, look, look, it’s not like I’m not flattered.
GGabriel
You call me when you change your mind.
Mary Quinn
When? You’re sure of yourself.
GGabriel
I know how to get what I want. (closing the door behind Mary Quinn)
Mary, I’ve got a bit of a vegetable situation going on here.
Mary Quinn
I’m coming!
Look, Mary. Are they for Mammy’s grave, Da?
Mary Quinn
Ten years gone, would you believe it?
I don’t know why I bother. That Kitty O’Donnell next door, sue her plot’s like a jungle.
If that useless bloody husband of hers doesn’t get his finger out soon, I’ll give it a going-over myself.
Daddy, how many times? You can’t strim the grave of another man’s wife. It’s inappropriate.
You could rear cattle in it, Sarah.
Mary Quinn
Ten years, and not a peep out of her.
Mary Quinn
Ten years, and nothing.
I don’t know what she’s playing at. There’s no excuse for it, love.
Her being dead is sort of an excuse. No?
She couldn’t give us a sign? She couldn’t rattle a teapot or something?
Mary Quinn: Bridget Gallagher was telling me she went to see this psychic.
No! You know the problems I have with my aura.
The last time I went to see a psychic, sure I was tortured. The spirits were coming at me left, right and center. This one lad, he was in the American Air Force. Well, would he give over about that plane going down? Jesus, he had me demented.
Even so, Sarah, wouldn’t you like to know that Mammy’s happy, that she’s at peace now?
I’d give anything to speak to her again.
Mary Quinn
Ach, Daddy.
Love to know what the hell she did with my good electric razor.
Mary Quinn
What are you supposed to be? Swans?
Angels don’t use crutches.
You’re a swan expert now, are you?
Yeah, that’s precisely what I said.
Mary Quinn
God love you, son. Imagine beating you up just cause you like Slimboy Fat.
Yeah, I still can’t quite believe it myself, actually.
Ah, I love his wee toy car.
Derry Girls · 94 quotes
