I’ve just received a phone call from Louise Kerr’s mother, and it’s not looking great.
Oh, God, I just can’t believe it.
It’s unlikely she’ll be returning to school before the end of the year, so I think the only thing we can do now is --
AislingPray for her?
No. What use would that do? No, I think the best thing we can do is decide who will fulfil the role of editor now.
Sister Michael, some of us have actually already discussed this eventuality, and the thing is, well, nobody is comfortable stepping into Louise’s shoes.
Aisling
It feels a bit, sort of, disrespectful.
We think this issue should be cancelled.
Well, fair enough, if nobody is willing to take her place.
I’ll take her place. I’ll step into her shoes. I’ll do it.
No, you can’t. We are making a statement. You’re ruining our statement!
Look, girls, I know Louise meant a lot to you all.
Well, not yet. Hopefully she won’t, you know, die, but if she does, the show must go on! Isn’t that right, Sister Michael?
Aisling
You’ve never even written an article, Erin.
That’s because I can’t get anything past Rupert Murdoch over there!
This isn’t fair. You can’t let it happen, Sister!
I know. But I’m bored now, so it looks like I probably will. Good luck, all.
There she is. Okay, so I say we just over there and be ourselves, girls. Well, not totally ourselves. We should definitely be a bit ourselves. We could also pretend we’re sort of better than we actually are, so, I suppose what I’m saying is we could present a version of ourselves as less --
Why do we even have to talk to her?
Because she’s new, Michelle!
Urgh! I hate people I don’t know.
And, in case you hadn’t noticed, she also happens to be Chinese. I mean, how class would it be to have a Chinese friend?!
We could keep her in my toy box.
Oh, she’d definitely fit.
Fine. But can we agree it’s on a strict one-in, one-out basis? If she joins the group, James has to leave.
MCMae Cheung
Is she all right?
MCMae Cheung
Right. Well, I’m from Donegal and we speak English there.
If you say so, Mae, but I spent the summer in Killybegs, and seriously? Not a fucking word.
We just wanted to introduce ourselves and --
MCMae Cheung
Okay, I think I see where this is going. I get this a lot. Dull white girls wanting me to join their gang because, well…
MCMae Cheung
Whoa. She has a really fucked-up accent.
MCMae Cheung
(sighs) What’s in this for me? What are you bringing to the table?
MCMae Cheung
I’m good for cream crackers, thank you. I’ll see you around, girls. (She is about to leave)
Maybe we don’t need a Chinese person. We’ve already got a lesbian.
MCMae Cheung
Really? You don’t look like a lesbian.
MCMae Cheung
Just that you’re a bit…short.
Well, there’s no height restrictions… as far as I’m aware.
MCMae Cheung
Interesting. I’ve always wanted a gay friend. I mean, ideally a fella.
I’m Jenny. This is Aisling. We just thought we’d introduce ourselves and see if…
Too late, Jenny. She’s ours.
I see. Look, these girls are great, but I do have a pen pal from the Caribbean, so, perhaps my circle is a little bit more diverse.
Think it over. Give me a call. Oh, and FYI, the prom queen vote closes today.
Aisling
Here’s the wee ballot.
I see you’ve thrown your hat into the ring, Jenny.
I had my arm twisted, but feel free to tick my box.
You said this was dicky, Michelle.
That was before the BBC Northern Ireland thing. This could be life-changing. You know, Pamela Anderson was just an ordinary girl at a football match when a roving camera stuck her on the big screen and then, boom.
Yeah, but she looks like Pamela Anderson.
Okay, James, it’s hard for you to see it because we’re related, but I’m a ride. I am a massive fucking ride.
Hey, guys. Not thinking of entering, are you?
Aisling
So cute.
Oh, bring it on, bitches.
Derry Girls · 94 quotes
