ClareRight.
Is there some sort of a problem here, girls?
Clare
Not a problem, as such. More of a-a-a question, really.
You think I’m here to answer questions, do you? Who am I, Magnus fucking Magnusson?
He doesn’t answer questions, he asks them.
It’s just, it’s pink, white and purple, Dennis.
Well, it should be red, white and blue.
Clare
There’s also quite a few stars missing.
Clare
There’s only 30 stars here. I mean, there should be 50, just because the stars represent states, so…
Some states left America?
I don’t know, I just feel like if 20 states left the USA, we might have heard about it.
Ah, they didn’t want to make it into a big thing. So these are the new, modern, up-to-date flags. They’ve just brought them out.
Okay. It’s just, well, I’m not convinced that’s actually true.
Because you bought a fuckload of dud flags, and you’re trying to get rid of them.
(exiting the shop) What first attracted him to a career in retail, do you think?
They told us we were young, yet we understood the enormity of it. We understood what was at stake. Our fear was replaced with something altogether more terrifying… hope. Hope is so much worse. With hope you something to lose…
Oh, for fuck’s sake! What’s happened now?
Your TV is such a piece of crap.
No, it’s not. Your camera’s the problem.
My camera’s top of the range!
It’s true. His ma only sends him really expensive shit, you know, to make up for the fact that she doesn’t love him.
Oh, sorry, that came out wrong. I meant… Nope, can’t think of any other way to put that.
That actor there looks so familiar.
We’re gonna have to reshoot this footage.
Oh, come on, Michelle! These kids from Germany made a short film about the Berlin Wall, and it won as Oscar!
Aye, but they probably had, you know, talent. Look, we need to face the fact that we’ve spent the summer making something that’s really quite shite.
It’s not shit, Michelle! Well, the script might need a bit of work.
Do not start on the script again! The script is a masterpiece!
The script is boring, Erin. It doesn’t make any sense. What’s it even about?
Urgh, I am so fucking sick of peace! It’s all anyone ever bangs on about. Okay, I think we should just cut our losses, and make a couple of fake videos for “You’ve Been Framed.”
Oh, I can fall down three flights of stairs without even hurting myself!
Clare
Can I ask something?!
Clare
How much longer are we gonna ignore the elephant in the room?
Clare
It’s tomorrow, girls. Tomorrow! Christ, I feel sick.
Why? You’re gonna walk it, Clare.
Clare
I know that! I’m not worried about me, I’m worried about you four. If you fail your GCSEs the school won’t take you back. I don’t wanna have to make new friends from scratch, I’ll have enough on my plate with the A-levels! I’m just praying you lot will scrape by!
Now, that is very considerate of you, Clare.
Clare
I know!
“Try to enjoy what time we have left.” It doesn’t even make any sense.
Clare
It means we’ve failed, Erin. It means no GCSEs, ergo no A-levels, ergo no university, ergo the end!
Clare
I knew I should have cut ties with you lot a long time ago.
Clare
Of course it’s your fault! You’ve dragged me down to your level, your stupidity has finally rubbed off of me. I was a scholar when I met you, Erin, a scholar!
Clare
Our lives are over.
I wouldn’t say our lives are over.
Clare
Passing those exams was our only chance. We’re girls, we’re poor, we’re from Northern Ireland and we’re Catholic, for Christ’s sake!
Oh, my God, she’s right! What type of future will we have?
We don’t need to worry about the future, Erin. If we fail, well, our mas are gonna fucking wipe us out, and dead people don’t need jobs.
Clare
Oh, thank you, Michelle. that’s very reassuring!
How bad do you think is it? Do you think it’s, like, grounded bad, or…?
And if it is run-away-from-home-bad, I’m afraid I will need my snorkel back, James.
Clare
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Let’s just wait until tomorrow, and see what we’re dealing with.
Or…we can see what we’re dealing with tonight.
Clare
(hyperventilating) How?!
It’s not my fault your choreography is pedestrian, Michelle.
Kiss my actual hole, Erin.
Look, I think we all just need to calm down.
EMErin and Michelle
Piss off, James!
Okay, that, is it? I’m going solo.
Fanny. Big fanny? Fanny pain.
Clare
The plumber was trying to get off with Erin’s ma! The plumber was trying to get off with Erin’s ma, and now I need to give all of my sponsorship money back.
We’re gonna need more details, Clare.
Clare
I saw them together in the hall. He was whispering things to her, you know, suggestive things.
My ma? He was coming onto my ma? What is he, some sort of reverse pedophile?
I bet Mary told him where to go.
Clare
Not exactly.
Please welcome to the stage, Erin, Orla, Clare, Michelle and James.
The act you’re going to perform for us tonight, well, they’re absolutely huge.
Matthew! Shit! I got it right in rehearsals, I just…
Okay. Give us some clues, girls.
Well, Peter… They are English, but we still like them.
Clare
They’re also probably better known by their nicknames.
Which are? And I think this just might give it away now.
Ginger! Baby! Sporty! Scary and Posh!
AAll
Tonight, Matthew, we’re gonna be The Spice Girls!
Clare
We had plans tonight.
We can turn our jeans into hot pants any day of the week. We’re talking about a free house here, Clare, a free house. We’re gonna be drinking, dancing and riding.
Quick question on the old riding front there.
Who exactly will we be doing that with?
Young hot farmers. Donegal is coming down with them. Big strapping lads ripped to fuck from all the turf collecting.
Clare
Oh, don’t worry about me.
There’s actually quite a few lesbians as well, Clare.
Clare
Lesbian farmers? Really?
Lesbian farming is actually huge in the Republic. We’ll get you sorted, don’t worry.
What about me? Could we pick me up a girl?
Can we pick you up a girl?
(in the van) Yeah, that is so out of order, James.
I didn’t mean… I-I just thought…
Well, you thought wrong, James.
Get in the van. (exasperate sigh) Dirtbag.
Arh! Where the hell are we?
I’ll ask this woman. (to Sheila) Excuse me? Sorry to bother you.
SSheila
(speaking in Irish)
Jesus, is she having a stroke?
She is an Irish speaker, James.
Oh, why can’t everyone just speak English?
Well, your crowd had a good stab at forcing the entire world to, but we didn’t really enjoy it much, James. Imperialist prick!
Can anyone ask her where this place is?
Clare
Hmm, my Irish isn’t the best. I decided to keep on French and German, because I though it would give me more options if I wanted to, like, study abroad or whatever.
We’re not filling in your fucking UCAS from here, Clare.
SSheila
(speaking in Irish)
SSheila
(speaking panicky in Irish) (speaking warningly in Irish)
Clare
Anything?
Broken vase. There was a window open in there. It must have blown off the shelf.
Clare
Oh, thank God.
Clare
Yeah. I mean, for a second there I thought it might actually… (screaming)
Stop, stop, stop. I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation for this. It’s important we don’t let our imaginations run riot here.
What are you supposed to be? Swans?
Clare
We’re angels.
Angels don’t use crutches.
You’re a swan expert now, are you?
Yeah, that’s precisely what I said.
God love you, son. Imagine beating you up just cause you like Slimboy Fat.
Yeah, I still can’t quite believe it myself, actually.
Clare
That’ll be Daddy!
Ah, I love his wee toy car.
What was the face all about?
Earlier, when Dennis was talking about Niall you did a face.
You did a face Erin. You did a face like this.
I…would never do that face. I couldn’t do that face. That face isn’t even in my repertoire.
Oh, it’s in your repertoire alright, I’ve seen you whip it out over a dozen times, usually when you find something hard to believe. What was hard to believe Erin?
It was just when you said that you didn’t want to get your hopes up.
You don’t actually think he should get out do you?
I’m not sure we should be talking about this.
Isn’t this exactly what we should be talking about? I mean we have to vote on it.
It wasn’t supposed to happen the way it did.
I’m sure that poor man’s family takes great comfort in that.
These things, they’re not black and white Erin.
Nothing about this place is!
Well I think the fact that you shouldn’t kill people is pretty black and white!
Clare
Awkward, awkward, awkward, oh God it’s so awkward.
Fuck off Erin. And what would you know anyway, you’re nothing but a spoiled, selfish, sheltered wee brat.
Derry Girls · 94 quotes
