Candy quotes from Dave the Barbarian

Shall I tell you of last night's dream? Dark forms came to me, whispering of unspeakable atrocities.

Candy

Stop with the dreams! You can try it!

Yes, to earn their batteries, the people of Udrogoth did labor mightily for Ned Frischman, constructing a sphinx of gold, Mount Frischmore, Big Ned's Putt-Putt Fun House, and the Great Pyramid... Of Ned.

Candy

[Sitting on top of a block for the pyramid while others push.] Let me explain again: I am doing actual work! Me! I don't think you understand how completely and utterly wrong this is!

Candy

Fang good necklace! Pretty!

Dave

Stop it, Fang! Violence won't help- wow, you're right, she does make a good necklace.

Dave

Candy, I'd like you to read this book on the Dangers of magic broccoli-

Candy

No books! Books make The Can hurt in place where thinks come from!

Hey, The Can? Remember we made a picnic date? I just... wanted to cancel that.

Candy

Why hearty boy do this?

'Cause the... the sun broke.

Oh, there must be something lower than F-minus. Z! Z! Z! Z! Z! Z! Z!

Candy

Here's the plan: we changes our names, move to a distant island, and disguise ourselves as a family of travelling donkey polishers.

Fang

Is this before or after we beat Dave to a pulp?

Strom

So, there's eight or ten girls back home, and then maybe... twenty or thirty on the road?

Candy

So... you're saying you're single?

Candy

What was I thinking? Making Fang civilized is hopeless!

Oswidge

Yes, because we've been missing the key ingredient: bribery!

Dave

You want me to beat up your friend, Cheesette, because she gave you a fishclock?

Candy

For my birthday! Can you imagine!? She knew I wanted a cute top to go with all the other cute things I have that make me look cute!

Dave

Hey, why don't you just buy her something super nice, and make her feel really guilty?

Candy

I like it! And it allows me to punish her by using my awesome shopping powers!

Twinkle the Marvel Horse!

Candy

Twinkle, my flying steed! I'm sorry I haven't visited you for a while...

I've been... So lonely, in here. Such terrible thoughts one has, alone, in the dark.

Candy

Uh, like I said, I'm real sorry I haven't visited you for a while.

It's not important! No one cares about me! They think to mock, and belittle Twinkle the Marvel Horse, do they? Well it is they, they, who will suffer!

Candy

Fudge? I need to give her something really great so she'll feel guilty about that lousy present she gave me!

Dave

So, tell her it's imported.

Candy

That could work.

Oswidge

Ah, fudge. Truly it is the greatest of the brown-colored fruits.

You lookin' for something, darin'?

Candy

Yeah, I-

We got that. Just got a big shipment of snakes... You want one?

Please, buy me!

Candy

Actually, I'm looking for one of those hats with antlers on it.

We got that.

I'm a hat! Please buy me!

Candy

Look, anything that can say it's a hat isn't a hat, okay?

Oh, a hat! You want a hat! We got that.

I'm a hat!

Fang

I don't give a rabid weasel's snout what you wear to some stupid dance.

Candy

You don't understand! One fashion mistake, and the other girls will rip me to shreds!

Fang

Cool!

Candy

No, I mean, really, rip me to shreds.

Fang

Cooooool!

Oswidge

A little magic, I'll have that hideous thing off your face faster than you can say, "get this hideous thing off my face".

Candy

Get this hideous thing-

Oswidge

Gitripozene!

Dave

Hey, look! It's the Pillaging Illustrated swimsuit issue!

Candy

Move your hand one inch closer, and you'll be pulling back a stump.