Oswidge quotes from Dave the Barbarian

Uncle Oswidge

Ugh... So many nutlogs... So little stomach.

Oswidge

And you've learned it's not what's on the outside that's beautiful, it's what's on the inside: your heart. And your liver, your gallbladder, and your spleen.

Oswidge

Hold your horses, bigfella, I gotta check the owner's manual for this wand. Ah, here it is. Destroy: see obliterate. Obliterate: see Destroy. Dang it!

Oswidge

I warned you. No one wants to hear poems about a fluffy throw pillow.

Oswidge

On the other hand, Dave might simply be unhinged. In which case, all we have to do is restrain him in a pitch-black dungeon for countless years until he snaps out of it.

Oswidge

Don't think I've forgotten the most important thing: there's still fudge on the agenda!

Oswidge

Let's get this over with so we can have fudge!

Oswidge

Note: In future, point magic wand away from self.

Oswidge

Normally, I wouldn't ask, but this is cutting into my fudge time!

Oswidge

I thought it was some kinda growth.

Oswidge

Newts don't eat fudge!

Oswidge

Smells kinda like a cross between rotten bananas and being hit in the face with a shovel.

Oswidge

I just heard I'm going to emcee the ball! And the emcee always eats first! [Licks lips.] They're gonna have those nutlogs I like!

Oswidge

Don't cry, Candy. You're still young. As a teenager, you'll have a lot more chances to fall in love! And if not, at least you'll have a lot more zits!

Oswidge

Not the Cheese!

Candy

What's the big deal?

Oswidge

Cheese produces phlegm.

Candy

And?

Oswidge

And if the cheese creates more phlegm, that means bigger flaming loogies!

Candy

And?

Oswidge

Look, I'm going to put this in terms you can understand: he could destroy all the shopping!

Candy

[gasps] Not on my watch!