Storyteller quotes from Dave the Barbarian

But while trying to feed Carl the nosegrub, Dave fails to notice the little weasel's eyes darting about. Seeking something. Seeking... the hiding place of the Magical Grape of Bobo-Be-Dobo! But to what end? Can there be more to Carl than meets the eye? [Carl farts.] Well, there certainly can't be less!

Yae, Lula's love still burns with the heat of one hundred suns, and Argon's love for Lula burns with the heat of... not... any... suns... at all.

Thinking quickly, Dave constructs a homemade megaphone using only some string, a squirrel, and a megaphone.

But of all the tasks imposed on the people, the most difficult went to Dave: to create a sandwich in Ned's name!

Yea, our heroes do seek the Master of Evolution, going on a long and perilous journey, which is pretty stupid because the Master of Evolution lives right next door to them.

When a tale is so great that it is passed down through the centuries, we call it, a legend. The story you are about to hear... Is not that great. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's not a bad story, it has chickens in it, it's just not great.

And the chickens do peck upon the head of Dave until the next sunrise and well into the afternoon.

Mighty is his ink, and flawless his calligraphy! Ne'er has such a feat of penmanship been witnessed in the history of mankind! And his spelling is good, too.

Fizzberries: a treat so beloved by Fang, that she would chew off her own leg to get to them!

Dawn in Udrogoth: a time for all barbarian heroes, and their trusty dragons, to rise and begin their mighty action-packed adventures!

Dave

What a lovely day to draw sap for pancake syrup!

Meanwhile, without his sword, Dave is feeling a bit naked.

Fang

[Pulling a curtain that Dave is hiding behind] Dave, quit acting naked!

And so Princess Irmoplotz does send an army of indestructible filthy pixies to destroy Udrogoth.

Fang

[Gasps] They're indestructible!

Yes, I... Just said that.

And lo, the filthy pixies do rampage wildly through Udrogoth, destroying everything in their path, and getting nasty sticky little fingerprints all over the place!

[looks at her apron] Darn it! That's gonna need dry cleaning!

Yes, Ned's depressing little life seems pointless, indeed. Until one fateful day, when a firey comet hits Ned's zipper! Seconds later, a secret experimental laser bombards the zipper with hyper-violet mercury rays! Then, it is doused with mysterious chemicals, stuck by the mystical powers of the Norse gods, bitten by a radioactive grasshopper, and taught the arcane apocolyptic of cloud men's mind by an inscrutable monk!

Ned

Wow! That hardly Ever happens!

The combination of these events transforms Ned's ordinary zipper into ... The Time Zipper!

And lo, the people of Udrogoth are swiftly captivated by the Game Guy's hot colors, multilevel mode, and overall playability.

Hey, shouldn't we watching for invaders?

Soon as I get to level 6.

Hey, shouldn't we be invading?

Soon as I get to level 6.