Dave quotes from Dave the Barbarian

So Dave, if we cannot be together, you...will...pay! Mwahahahaha!!!

Dave

[amused] You're mad at me, aren't you?

Candy

Fang good necklace! Pretty!

Dave

Stop it, Fang! Violence won't help- wow, you're right, she does make a good necklace.

Dave

Candy, I'd like you to read this book on the Dangers of magic broccoli-

Candy

No books! Books make The Can hurt in place where thinks come from!

Dave

[High-pitched voice.] We're gonna sing about colors!

[Singing.] Red and blue and yellow! Red and blue and yellow!

Men know me as... The Pillage Master. But you may call me... Doria.

Dave

Thats a pretty name.

Dave

[Clears throat.] I would like to formally apologise for all the trouble we barbarians have-

Fang

No! Scare them, scream at them, run and yell! Run and yell!

Dave, it is now the sixteenth hour of the sixteenth day of the sixteenth month, of your sixteenth year!

Dave

Sixteenth month? Has anyone checked this guy's math?

Fang

Psych! No way man! Later we're gonna sneak up and skin you with a clam shell. [Family cracks knuckles]

Dave

I like clams.

Fang

You've gotta stop passing all these stupid laws! Everybody's really mad at you! Especially the cats.

Dave

It says, "Meow".

Fang

And they mean it.

Chuckles

Okay, time for new laws! [Clears throat.] First, pickled pigs' feet do not belong in jars in delis, they belong on [Screaming] pigs' ankles!

Dave

You call that a law?

Chuckles

It beats shaving cats.

Dave

You want me to beat up your friend, Cheesette, because she gave you a fishclock?

Candy

For my birthday! Can you imagine!? She knew I wanted a cute top to go with all the other cute things I have that make me look cute!

Dave

Hey, why don't you just buy her something super nice, and make her feel really guilty?

Candy

I like it! And it allows me to punish her by using my awesome shopping powers!

Aye, that I do. Ye must cross the Gorge of Agony, where a mighty beast awaits to tear ye limb from limb. From there, ye climb the Mountain of Thousand Screams, which nay a man has never faced and lived to tell the tale! Or ye could take the shuttle.

Dave

Uh... Thanks.

Dave

It's a trick! I'm Dave! He's the fake, and I'll prove it! [On his knees.] Please don't hurt me, oh, please, please, please, please!

This proves nothing. [Also on his knees.] Please do not hurt me. For being hurt is unpleasant.

Oswidge

Which is the true dave, and which the machine? No man can say.

Candy

Fudge? I need to give her something really great so she'll feel guilty about that lousy present she gave me!

Dave

So, tell her it's imported.

Candy

That could work.

Oswidge

Ah, fudge. Truly it is the greatest of the brown-colored fruits.

Dave

Kitty!

Fang

Gormet cooking is not barbariany!

Dave

Uncle Oswidge, Fang's being mean to breakfast!