Dave quotes from Dave the Barbarian

Dave

What is it!? A monstrous ogre!? An ogreous monster!? Tell me quick so I'll know the best way to run away!

Dave

Bejabbers!

Lula

You know what would come in handy against a monster made of dough? Some sort of sharp implement. Oh, if only you had a sharp implement, David. If only-

Dave

There's no need to be sarcastic. Time to cut a muffin!

Lula

That sounds nasty for some reason.

Eh, I just do holes and leeches. If you want advice, I guess you could read one of those self-help scrolls... but they're all written by crackpots and weirdos.

Dave

Crackpots and weirdos!? Count me in!

Dawn in Udrogoth: a time for all barbarian heroes, and their trusty dragons, to rise and begin their mighty action-packed adventures!

Dave

What a lovely day to draw sap for pancake syrup!

Lookin' for something, darlin'?

Dave

I-

We got that. Whaddya want? Tooth extractor? Rump whistle? Spiked helmet? Spiked boots? Spiked toilet paper? Oh, I got just the thing: a diseased weasel!

Dave

Bejabbers! It's... oh, what's your name? D-d-don't tell me. Does it start with a J?

Chuckles

The Dark Lord Chuckles the Silly Piggy!

Dave

I asked you not to tell me!

Chuckles

I warn you: I'm very high in cholesterol!

Dave

Don't worry. Faffy won't really eat him. 'Tis but a merry jest! Good night, and drive safely!

Dave

Look what I bought! It lets you listen to music wherever you go! They call it: a walkminstrel!

[Singing badly] My love is like a red, red rose, but she doesn't smell as good...

Fang

Ah, the guy's a weenie. You deserve better, Lula.

Candy

Yeah, and I thought his new sword looked kinda cheap.

Dave

Seriously, that tight scabbard left nothing to the imagination.

Dave

Special delivery for, um, Mr. Ageless.

Who's it, like, from?

Dave

[Voice cracking] The queen! Of... Queen... Land.

Lula

We've had a little fun with dental hygiene today, but it's no laughing matter.

Dave

So be sure to brush and floss after every meal. Otherwise, evil tooth decay goblins will move into your mouth and play loud polka music day and night.

Lula

Thanks for listening, and remember [shouting] stay in school!

Dave

Um, excuse me. I ordered a book: "The Complete Poetic Works of Ped Xing?"

Ped Xing!? [Screams.] That's the worst stuff ever written! Thirty years ago, I read one of his poems, and I've been blind ever since.

Dave

Well, I-I'm sorry you-

And my left arm is completely numb.

Dave

Well, I'm-

And I lost both my legs.

Dave

[Looking under a table] Bu-but, you have legs.

Oh, I found them eventually. Down in the sofa cushions.

Dave

I call this one "Mr. Hooty!"

Irmoplotz

And I call mine "Sir Hootsworth McHootington the Third!"

Dave

Oh, I see. Just 'cause she has a diabolical laugh, and commands legions of horrible zombies, and has "Evil Princess" embroidered on all of her hankies, you assume she's evil. That's so shallow!

Lula

I knew love was blind, but I didn't know it was stupid, too!