Dan quotes from Dan Vs.

Dan

[first lines] Ah, today's gonna be a good day. Aah! Aahh! Ow! Oof! Oh, great- there goes breakfast. Ow! My foot! Stupid thing! OW! My foot! Stupid thing! See? I learned. Ow! Don't even know why I put that lamp there in the 1st place. What the heck would you make a swinging lamp for? Makes me want to burn down the 70s. Ow! Oof! Was that an armadillo? I'm gonna laugh when you're roadkill. What the- Not my car! Cactus needles? Red dirt? Adobe? NEEEW MEXICOOOOOOOO!!!

Dan

[as he gets caught by a sandstorm] There's sand everywhere! It's so obnoxious! There's sand everywhere! It's so obnoxious!

Dan

[heads to the barber shop with a hedge trimmer] Well, I guess there's nothing left to do but, [he tries to chainsaw through the door until it breaks, he drops the hedge trimmer, and heads inside the barber shop] Now where could you have gone? [stares at a picture of a lake and a cabin] Now I know where you're headed. That will teach you to personalize your work space.

Dan

[after the place was destroyed] Now that's what I call a work of art.

Dan

[after he heard everyone complained about his statue] Seriously? You sheep wouldn't know real art if it ruined your car! [screams as a bulldozer destroyed his car] Aw, come on!

I'm gonna get you for this, Dan! I'll be back, and you will rue the day! Rue it!

Dan

[runs and ends up being lost in the woods] He's not just dreamy. He's got the strength of 10 men. And was it just me, or were his eyes even more captivating close up? I think he won the fight because I got lost in them. [Mr. Mumbles meows] Yeah, all right. We've ruled out a direct assault. And by the way, thank you for doing nothing while I was getting beaten up. [Mr. Mumbles meows as he pets him] Aw, I can't stay mad at you. And did you hear that thing on the radio about the prison break? For all anyone knows, the Hockey Mask Maniac is on the loose. Which gives me an idea.

Dan

[heads to Marvin's Pickins with Mr. Mumbles and puts on his burglar outfit] Okay, this will just take a second. [looks at the door] That's strange. Oh, well. Gift horse and all that. First stop, sporting goods. [he grabs a mask] Next, landscaping supplies. No chainsaw? Why doesn't anything ever go right for me? [Mr. Mumbles meows] Was that sarcasm, Mr. Mumbles? Well, I guess this will have to do. Just need some overalls, and we're done.

Dan

Be careful, they hate getting your order right. Those are nice shoes. Did you know the fries here give you scabies?

Dan

GYYY-OHHHH!! [ends up getting a pain so he wheezes instead] Gyyyyyyyyym...

Dan

A dinosaur, [finds out that his car was destroyed] JUST RUINED MY CAR! YOU BETTER HAVE GOOD AUTO INSURANCE! Wait. Where are you going? We have to exchange information! [the dinosaur leaves Dan's neighborhood] DINOSAUR!

Dan

In retrospect, that may have been a mistake.

Dan

[to Dennis] Never let take your shiv, kid, that's how you get punked.

Dan

I spent my teenage years constantly ridiculed. Then I'd get to school and it was even worse.

Dan

[angrily as he is taped in the chair] I DIDN'T WANT TO GO ON YOUR STUPID CRUISE IN THE 1st PLACE!