[Dan arrives at Gigundo-Mart]
Gigundo-Mart GreeterWelcome to Gigundo-Mart. May I-may I- [coughs] May I see your membership card?
Nah. I'll just take a pat down.
Gigundo-Mart Greeter
Sorry, sir. We don't do pat downs. Members only.
Oh, in that case. [he runs inside Gigundo-Mart, only to be caught by the Gigundo-Mart Greeter]
Gigundo-Mart Greeter
That's how we did it on San Juan hill.
I'll see myself out. San Juan Hill? Not my fault that guy had a bad vacation in Puerto Rico. [gasps as he saw Chris what he bought from Gigundo-Mart] Ah-ha! So the truth is revealed
You're sleeping with the enemy.
I'm not sleeping with anyone. Plus, this isn't the enemy. It's just a store. They sell things. Things you might even want to buy. Lighter fluid, crow bars.
My crowbar is almost worn down to the nub. But I'm not gonna buy one here!
Right, you can't. They come in an 8 pack. Look, I like Gigundo-Mart's buck busting values on things I use every day. Help me with these raccoon traps?
I will not be an enabler. Either boycott this behemoth or this friendship is finito.
So it's your way or the highway?
Get this straight bulk-head: there is no highway! Just a lonely road with you on it!
My choco-dillas are melting. I'll see you later. [drives away]
[heads inside Gigundo-Mart and makes an annoucement on the microphone] Attention sample gobblers, and you! The guy with his face in the 29 cent pizza! This is a public service announcement. Exposure to Gigundo-Mart may cause dizziness, headache, nausea, and an unnatural attraction to bison or elk- [he ends up getting choked by the greeter]
Gigundo-Mart Greeter
[has Dan in a neck-lock] I learned this move on the [cough], on the beaches of Normandy.
Shooting out or shooting in? [Gigundo-Mart Greeter angrily kicks him out and lands on the parking lot seeing the sign of Gigundo-Mart] You shut up!
I can't believe you had a nuclear briefcase the whole time I've known you.
If what you said is true, this thing'll vaporize everything within a quarter mile. So we should probably set the timer for 30 seconds just to be safe.
[reading the sign] Oh, they're hiring.
Well, I do need a new job. I heard this place has great benefits.
What about the cookies? [angrily grabs Wally by the suit] Think of the cookies man!
I need to cut down on sugar anyway.
Fine! Run away! You are a disgrace to arms dealers everywhere! [sees Elise walking by] Elise, what are you doing here?
Taking this place down. I hate what Gigundo-Mart's done to my husband.
Pssh! What can you do that I can't? [Elise shrinks a car] Awesome! Gimme, gimme!
Gimme! [they engage in SR51 tug-of-war, Elise's phone rings]
Hello? Chris, calm down. The first step is admitting you have a problem. Can you do that?
[using his foot as a hand on his phone to talk to Elise, he is having withdrawal symptoms] NO! Must...go...shop... So cold...
Chris, these are withdrawal pains from going cold turkey.
Oh, they have such great deals on cold turkey. Pickle relish by the drum... Six pack of lawn mowers... Psychiatric help five cents, the doctor's in.
Let me talk to him. Maybe I can help. [Elise hands Dan her phone to talk to Chris] Hey, Chris, buddy, havin' a hard time?
Good! That's what you get for letting me down!
Dan! [Dan gives Elise her phone back, gives the SR51 to Dan] Chris, hand in there and- [Dan runs off] Hey!
[Dan hijacks the shopping cart, Elise chases him, the kid laughs, they enter inside Gigundo-Mart, the greeter looks at Dan while Wally is showing his membership card]
Gigundo-Mart Greeter
Membership Card? Halt!
[as he starts shrinking items] B-bye, bulk bargains.
[gets scared and shrinks Elise] Wow.
Dan, you have dug your own grave.
Aawww, look at the itty-bitty Elise. Whose got the teeny tiny angry face? You do. Yes, youuuu. [Elise twists him and he traps her in a jar]
Dan! Turn me back right now!
I can't hear you! [puts the jar on the shelf] Stay there and be small and insignificant till I get back. [while the Gigundo-Mart Greeter seek revenge, Dan looks himself at the TVs] Huh, Chris is right, I do need a moisturizer. [he shrinks one TV and finds more to shrink but the Gigundo-Mart Greeter hits him by the flat stretcher leaving him wet] Hey! Whoaaaah!
Gigundo-Mart Greeter
You've breached our perimeter for the last time, sonny!
Back away, old man! And nobody gets shrunk!
Gigundo-Mart Greeter
I'll never abandon my post. I'll defend Gigundo-Mart until the day I die. Or 'til my shift ends. [he throws an heavy object to Dan as Dan shrinks it, hitting Dan in the head]
Don't say I didn't warn you.
[as Dan continues to shrink many items to defeat the Gigundo-Mart Greeter, Elise breaks the jar and frees herself out landing on Dan's head causing Dan to be knocked out, she looks at one of the mirrors and tries turns herself back to large]
Note to self: make the SR51 lighter. [the Gigundo-Mart Greeter finds her] Uh-oh. [turns herself back to large] Ugh. That's better. [she shrinks the cheese spray large as it lands on the Gigundo-Mart Greeter]
Gigundo-Mart Greeter
Ugh. Okay, Guess I'll take my break now.
Now, Elise. Aren't you always saying that revenge is a small minded solution? Or something stupid?
Get out of my way! [Dan leaves as she shrinks the nuts jar]
CCustomer
Hey! That's not a good price for such a tiny amount of food. This place is lousy.
[Elise shrinks various items around the store which makes customers leave and complain]
[satisfied] Well, my work here is done.
Mine isn't. [she shrinks the Gigundo-Mart store]
Dan Vs. · 241 quotes
