[Dan is sent to court, Judge bangs his gravel]
JJudge
Do you realize how much trouble you are in, young man?!
Your honor, I don't see what the big deal is.
JJudge
You crashed your car through the wall of a church while a wedding was in progress!
It wasn't my fault! There was a nun crossing the street against the light. I was going to run her over.
JJudge
And you were swerving to avoid her?
JJudge
All right. Well, in that case, I will suspend your sentence in exchange for 40 hours of community service.
Community service!? What has this community ever done for me!?
JJudge
Have it your way. Trial will start one week from today at 9:00 a.m.
Could we do it a little later? I like to sleep in, watch some TV...
JJudge
Get him out of my sight!
[gets grabbed by security guards] Let go! [gets kicked out of court]
[Dan goes inside his apartment and meets with Imposter Dan that looks similar to him]
IDImposter Dan
This Saturday? I'll be there. [Dan looks shocked] Oh. Got to go, Jer. Well this is embarrassing. I figured you'd be at court at least another hour.
IDImposter Dan
Who are you?
IDImposter Dan
Stop it. I should probably just go. [he runs out of Dan's apartment]
Hey, those are my clothes! Stop, clothes thief! [Imposter Dan twists his arm] Who are you?
IDImposter Dan
I told you already. I'm Dan. The question is who are you? [he runs off]
We'll find this guy. Then you'll see I'm not crazy.
I'm sure we will, Dan. And then what?
Simple. I hit him over the head and take my clothes back.
Leaving the “Good Dan” nude and vulnerable. Textbook.
[furious] Stop analyzing me! For the last time, there is an imposter!
OOld Lady
Dan, is that you?
OOld Lady
Oh, thank you so much for mowing my yard last week. Here, have a mint.
Lady, you can take your mint and-
Whoa okay. Calm down. Ma'am, are you sure this is the Dan who mowed your lawn?
OOld Lady
That's him. He spent three hours at my house on Thursday.
Thank you, ma'am. That's him.
She was like a hundred years old! It doesn't prove anything!
JCJogger Civillian
Eh, hi, Dan!
JCJogger Civillian
Hey everybody, Dan's here! On behalf of the whole neighborhood, we want to thank you for everything you've done lately. Let's hear it for Dan!
IDImposter Dan
[opens the door] May I help you?
What are you doing in my apartment?
IDImposter Dan
Oh, well, this is my apartment. Everything that you used to have is mine. I'm Dan now. You're going to have to find yourself a NEW identity.
Why would anyone want to be Dan?
IDImposter Dan
I'm so glad you asked that, Elise. And by the way, you don't look anything like the unflattering drawings Dan has of you in his journal.
You've been reading my journal?
What does he mean, "unflattering"?
IDImposter Dan
You ask, why Dan? Well, most people have a network of friends and family who know and love them, making it near impossible to steal their identities, but Dan here is off-putting and angry.
[turns red, yelling] OFF-PUTTING?! ANGRY!?
IDImposter Dan
That's just the tip of the iceberg. Tell me, what do you have to show for your lifetime of apathy and petty vengeance?
Well, I... I have a foosball table... so I got that going for me.
IDImposter Dan
You don't even like foosball.
He's right. I'm an air hockey man.
IDImposter Dan
You have alienated everyone in your life except for Chris and Elise, and I have a feeling at least one of them is gettable.
ATTACK! [he gets ready to fight with Imposter Dan but Elise stops him]
Let's hear him out. What exactly do you want?
IDImposter Dan
Oh, I've already got it. A place to live, a television. A kitty who loves me, and friends all over the neighborhood, friends who know me as Dan, the neighbor who cares; Dan, the neighbor who lives in apartment 8. So, if you don't leave immediately, I'll be forced to shoot you in self-defense. Good day. [closes the door and locks it]
That last part sounded a little like you.
